Answering the Difficult Questions

The other day Tyler and I were driving home and shortly after I pulled out of the parking lot at her school she asked me a question.  “Why doesn’t Madison see his mom?”  The first thing I thought was damn, why couldn’t she ask this question when we got closer to home…I’d have less time to ponder an answer?  Here I am with a 20 minute ride trying to figure out whether to avoid or answer the question.  She asks me again.

Back story:  in February of this year Micah was granted custody of Madison and by the order of the court, his mom has only supervised visits three times a month.  The visits were consistent at first, then they became sporadic and by August, no visits at all; hence, Tyler’s question… I suppose.

Trying to explain to a four year old why her brothers don’t live with their mom and dad like she does was a challenge for both her father and I, but we managed to do it and suffice to say, she hasn’t asked that question again.  But I struggled to answer her most recent question and for 20 minutes, I stuttered and stammered, tried to change the subject and finally just told her that I didn’t know.

Truth be told, I don’t know why some women will live a life that is not complimentary to being a mother.  I don’t want to waste any of my words on talking about ‘her’ per say but it pains me to see my son (I hate the term stepson) in the space that he is in.  I know that if the four year old has questions then certainly the child who is directly impacted by the absence of a mother has questions as well.  Sometimes, I look into his big brown eyes and I can see the pain.  I wish that I really knew what he experienced prior to living with us fulltime, I wish I could make it right and even wish I could make the guilt and pain that his dad has go away as well. 

When I made the decision to become a mom, I made the decision to give up weekend after weekend of nightlight and girlfriend outings, monthly spa days, grandiose shopping sprees…you get the picture.  I’m not saying I don’t indulge in those things from time to time now, but I enjoy ‘grown up’ moments with my sister friends and hubby in moderation.  My sons and daughter come first and I enjoy making the necessary sacrifices to make their lives more abundant. 

While I pray that the custody situation remains as it is, I also pray that Madison’s mom gets a reality check and wakes up.  To her I say (not that her eyes will grace this blog) you were blessed by God to even be given the privilege of carrying an angel in your womb and it was Our Father’s assumption that you would raise your child in a way pleasing to him and live a life conducive to doing so.

In the meantime my wonderful husband and I will continue to do what we love to do and that is be parents and be a family and we can only hope that when Madison begins to ask the difficult questions, that we have the right answers.