Ringing in the New Year

I haven’t ever made a New Year’s resolution and I’m not about to start.  What I’ve chosen to do as we enter 2011 is to look back at the year that I’ve had and work to improve the things that truly need polishing, set realistic goals for myself and encourage my children to do the same, and more importantly continue to invest in my marriage. 

As I look back, I know exactly what brought me stress in 2010…not delegating, taking on too much at home and at work, not being able to see my mom as often as I used to, and not relaxing when I needed to.  I know where I was a slacker…I haven’t worked out regularly since Joshua was born and need to shed about 15 pounds.  I know what I want to change…less yelling when the kids don’t do as we say and more implementation of stricter discipline and greater financial management.  I know what worked…a commitment to tithing, weekly communication with Micah about household matters and each others, recycling, and our weekend family excursions to all the free or low-cost activities in and around Delaware.  I know what made me grateful for the family and the life that I have…Haiti, the floods in California, the loss of Elizabeth Edwards to cancer, changes in health care and health care disparities, and violence and senseless death on both an international and local scale.

While these are just a few of the noteworthy and/or eye opening events that impacted my life over the last year, it’s more than enough to motivate me to improve upon the life I have and embrace the life that I know God has in store for me and my family.  I don’t have a profound cliché to leave you with, no dramatic story or life changing advice, but as you read this and think about how you want to shape 2011 to be a year of success, love and discovery for yourself, the nugget that I can offer is to give it all to God, listen to that inner voice that usually tells you the truth and take one day at a time with a commitment to getting the most out of each day in the new year.

God bless you and your family and may 2011 be the best year ever!

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year

from the Edwards Family

Mrs. First State Makes Being a Mother and Wife a Top Priority

I am blessed to have the opportunity to be the reigning Mrs. First State (Mrs. United States Pageant System http://www.mppinc2006.com/.)  The Mrs. United States Pageant which is held annually in Las Vegas is now celebrating its 25th anniversary.  The Mrs. United States Pageant system is no ordinary beauty pageant - it is extraordinary - and is committed to recognizing married woman for their ability to integrate intellect and beauty.

Even before I entered the Mrs. Pageant arena, I was committed to focusing my energies on being a positive role model for my children and a supportive wife.  In today’s media and technology saturated environment, far too often images of mothers, wives and families are distorted.  Dysfunctional families are celebrated on evening sitcoms, songs have been written about single mothers and Hollywood starlets down play the challenges of raising children with an au pair instead of a husband and father.  

While my family has not yet met with perfection (and I’m certain that it never will), one thing that I am certain of is that my lineage is one in which family comes first. My husband and I aren’t sticklers for observing the traditional roles in the home and find value in doing things that we consider to be our talent or area of expertise.  To this end, you may find my husband doing laundry, helping with homework, or trying to put barrettes on the ends of our daughter’s braids and I may be in the garden weeding or cleaning the garage.  Our home is one in which fun, respect and observance of rules in the order of the day.  We encourage our children to problem-solve on their own (this is often accompanied with a gentle warning that if they don’t manage the situation on their own, we’ll have to and they probably won’t like our decision) and we make it a point to let our children know that they are the priority. 

As a wife, I try to do things that show my children the love and admiration I have for their father.  This is an effortless task as my husband makes it easy to love him.  I think it’s important for parents to model what a loving home should be like as our children will grow up to be parents and spouses.  The images that our children see of families in turmoil - - in society, on television and on the Internet - - are a far cry from what I want my children to embrace. As a part of a blended family, we are not without our issues, but with much work and prayer and focus on self instead of those individual who we think are the source of friction, the world of step parenting has moved from moments of frustration and disappointment to one of joy and mutual respect.

As our children get older, we also see the growing importance of carving out quality time for each of them.  We recognize the unique personalities of our children and know that while some of their needs may overlap, that they deserve special attention and care from us on an individual level. 

Lastly, I put myself (mental, spiritual and physical health) first.  My life experiences have taught me that if you are not taking care of yourself in a holistic manner, you are in no position to offer a level of support and quality care for others.  I find time to be alone, I ask for help when I need it instead of assuming that I have this super woman alter ego that can do it all, I surround myself with loving family, great friends who don’t tell me what I want to hear but give me constructive criticism and sound advice and I seek guidance and support from my church family.

Today’s families are faced with a multitude of challenges.  Strong families systems provide the necessary support for families to successfully navigate those challenges.  Now more than ever it is important to build and sustain strong families and raise children that will carry family values and a sense of community with them into adulthood.  As I parent, I remember one thing that my dad used to tell me.  The dysfunction, attitudes, beliefs and work ethic we have at home are the same that we carry with us into the world and into our work environments.  The relationships and values we cultivate in the home are indicative of the society in which we live today; a society filled with dishonesty, disrespect and an individualist mindset.  As mothers and wives, it is our responsibility to do our part to instill family values and a kindness and concern for the world around us each and every day in our children.  We need to exemplify what it means to be a loving and civic minded individual so that our children have the amour they need to face the challenges of a world that has distorted the image of what family truly is.

I don’t have all the answers, my choices may not always be right, but I am committed to putting family first.  Share my commitment to your family.

What’s the reason…

Today was the start of the holiday season in our house.  In true Edwards’ fashion, my husband read through the holiday sales catalogues and the giant toy books, circled what he thought our children would like, scanned the items circled by our number two son and our little girl and proceeded to get his shop on.

For the last few Christmases, I must admit that I’ve gone way above the budget and that I need to be reigned in at times, but the fanfare and spirit of holiday shopping is always taken away from me in my husband’s quest to minimize my holiday over-spending.

As usual, I called my sister and one of my best girlfriends to complain and both of them said the same thing…”at least you don’t have to fight the hustle and bustle of crowded malls…and it’s done.” Not exactly the answer that I wanted to hear, but they were right.

So as I drove to work sulking because no one seemed to be on my side of the Christmas shopping argument, I began to think…think about the real reason for the season and the advertising blitz that seems to make thankfulness, praising of God and the merriment of family take a back seat to fighting for the latest gadgets to be placed under our trees.

As a mom, one of the best holiday moments has been seeing the looks on my children’s faces as they open their presents on Christmas morning.  As the children get older and the amazement of how Santa delivers presents through a chimney that we don’t have seem to fade away, I’ve noticed that my children are excited about the holiday because of what they ‘expect’ to get from us and are far    removed from the foundations of such a spiritually  entrenched time of year.

My husband and I have talked about reducing the number of gifts we give, making our children donate some of their toys and even volunteering as a family but is this really what I want to do?  Something superficial once or twice a year?

When it’s all said and done, I want my children to see the blessings that God has bestowed upon our family year round.  I want them to have a spirit of giving, love for family and concern for others 356 days a year.  As a mom, my prayer is that for the next few weeks, I am able to focus on love and not on who’s done the most gift purchasing or gift wrapping; and on Christmas morning, I hope not to be pleased by the smiles on our children’s faces because of what they’ve received from us, but to be at peace with what God has given; once again.

Finding Fran: An Adoption Story

Eleven years ago, I found my biological parents. I was reluctant to do so at first because I always had this belief that God put me exactly where he wanted me to be…with my mom and dad (LeRoi and Laura) who adopted me.

In 1996, I began suffering from Neuralgia, a disorder that causes sharp pain at the nerve endings in the brain.  I had an attack so severe that my parents had to rush me to the hospital and when the attending physicians asked about my medical history, my parents had no answers.  After being released from the hospital, my dad asked me to find my biological parents so that I could get as much of my medical history as possible.  He convinced me to do so by sharing the fear he and my mom felt while I was hospitalized and told me that I’d be a parent someday and he didn’t want me to feel as helpless as they did when I took ill.  I agreed…to do just that; get my medical history and walk away.

I had no desire to really ‘meet’ my biological parents, to know anything about them, and quite frankly I was happy with Brenda as my sister; she had given me everything I needed as a younger sibling- -she picked on me, she protected me, we shared secrets and we were as close as two siblings could be - - so I wasn’t even concerned about the prospect of having other siblings.

In July of 1998, my dad passed after a lengthy battle with Leukemia.  I spent a year caring for my mom who had a stroke that left her paralyzed on the right side, trying to finish graduate school, and taking care of financial loose-ends.   I needed to take a break from reality.  Fortunately, during the summer of 1999, I was given the opportunity to do some traveling for my job which took me to the Caribbean for a few weeks.

I was in Barbados when I got a call from Elaine Wagner, the social worker at the DC Department of Health assigned to my case.  In her voice mail message, she told me that she had made contact with my biological parents, and according to her records, they had been in contact with her because they were trying to locate me.  She told me that they weren’t together, but they had kept in contact with each other.  I immediately called Brenda and my best friends Bianca and Nayada and told them about the message.  They told me not to call her back until I got home, in case it was bad news, so when I landed in Florida, I call her back with my sister and best friends on the 3-way.  She explained to me the process for uniting adopted children with their biological parents and told me that she would coordinate the initial conference calls to both of my biological parents.  She also assured me that I was under no obligation to meet with them, share any personal information (other than what I already shared), or agree to have further contact with them.

It was all so simple.  I’d ask them about their medical history on the conference call and that would be the end of it.  I spoke with my biological mother, Donetta Clark first.  I really didn’t have much to say, which opened the door for her to lead the conversation.  She knew where I worked as a result of some of the information I shared with Mrs. Wagner, the social worker, so Donetta talked about that.  She asked me how long I had worked at Black Entertainment Television and if I was working there when the show Teen Summit adopted a family in Washington, DC for the Teen Summit Holiday special. My response was yes; I’d been working at BET for a few years and actually worked along-side the producer Sita [then Milam] Lewis to do the holiday show.  Then she asked me if I remembered her.  I thought to myself, why should I remember you…that was years ago?  She then hits me with this - - “You don’t remember me and my [then] six children?  We’re your family.  I’m your mother.”

I was speechless.  I had been in this woman’s house for several days, videotaping and rearranging her home, setting up lights, and staging camera shots, and was in the presence of my biological mother without even knowing.    I was so overwhelmed that I cut the conversation short.  It took me a few days to take the conference call with my biological father, but I chose to do this from work.  I called Mrs. Wagner and she placed a call to a man by the name of Anthony Yancey.  He was direct and to the point.  He wanted to set up a time to meet with me because talking over the phone was his idea of a first meeting.  As I was sitting there listening to him talk, I got this eerie sense; I’d heard this name before but could quite put my finger on it.  I thought to myself, maybe he was someone in the entertainment industry that I’d worked with before, so I began to thumb through my Rolodex and lo and behold, there it was…his contact information:  Anthony Yancey, The Mall at Prince George’s -Operations Manager.  I exclaimed, “You’re the guy I talk to every week to book my shoots at the mall! And you’re always mean to me!”  We were both awe struck.  I told him about the conversation with Donetta and at that moment, I knew it was Gods design that I meet my biological parents. 

I had no expectations about what was to come.  In fact the thought of finding my biological parents was the furthest thing from my mind and I made a promise to myself not to be open, not to find a connection and not to care.  It wasn’t that simple.

My journey was not like that of some of my adopted friends who spent years trying to find their biological parents only to be told that the biological parents had no desire to meet  them.  My journey was effortless; one phone call to a social worker and two phone calls later, I was in contact with my biological parents.  The beginning stage of the relationship with both of my biological parents was rough at times.  Even as an adult with one deceased parent and one ailing parent, I had loyalty issues.  I felt as if I was betraying my mom and dad, even though it was their desire for me to find my biological parents.  I also felt pressure to try and cultivate a relationship with 11 younger siblings and to try and fit in to two thriving families.

It was easier to communicate with my biological father because my dad had passed away and slowly but surely, Anthony began to fill a void.  He helped to pay for my wedding, was there for the births of our children and was even by my side when I miscarried in 2008.  He stepped in as grandfather and was the supportive, protective father when I hit a wall in my personal life.  It wasn’t after I got married that I began to develop a close relationship with Donetta.  There have been many nights when I’ve called her for motherly advice (and some occasions, where I was on the receiving end of some tough motherly love) but every moment since 1999 has been a blessing.

Eleven years later I truly see God’s gift in action. I still don’t have any medical information.  I don’t even think I’ve ever asked.  That probably wasn’t God’s plan for me.  My children are fortunate enough to have their grandparents in their lives as a result of the unselfish request of the grandfather they will never know.  I have supportive parents and stepparents, who not only care about me but are there for my older sister and her family and I will always have a story of God’s divine intervention.

For those of you who have been thinking about this journey, pray on it and be ready for what may lie ahead on that road.  If you’ve completed the journey with an attitude similar to the attitude I had when I started, open your heart so that your narrative can be different and so that you can be blessed.  If you’ve made this journey and have met with disappointing results, know that God still has something great in store for you.

The Great Pumpkin…A Lesson in Parenting?

Every Halloween, my dad and I would watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.  A few years after he passed, I’d watch and cry,  remembering how he’d laugh at Linus who relished waiting for the Great Pumpkin’s arrival out of the pumpkin patch.  We’ve continued to make this a family tradition in my home and I’ve grown from being overly sentimental to once again enjoying this seasonal classic. 

This year I had the pleasure of snuggling with Tyler and watching the show, but this time I cried for a different reason.  She’s now at an age where she can actually understand what’s going on, and in true Tyler fashion, she had many questions. 

While most adults watch Charlie Brown specials through the lenses of psychology, social commentary and bitter humor that was the hallmark of Charles Schultz’s work, I never expected a four year old to do the same.  The one question that touched my heart was “Why aren’t there any mommies and dads on Charlie Brown?” “Wow,” I said. “I’m not sure, but I think that would be a great question for Charles Shultz if here were alive.”  So for a minute or two, she was quiet.  As the story continued and Linus became fodder for jokes and ridicule, Tyler asked why everyone was being so mean to him.  She even asked (during the trick-or-treat scene) why Pig Pin was so dirty.  Near the end of the cartoon, when Lucy went to the pumpkin patch to get Linus and put him to bed, Tyler had one final thought…”They need mommies and dads, then they could sit in the pumpkin patch with him [Linus] and put him to bed after the pumpkins come and they could tell the dirty boy to take a bath.” 

I was so amazed at how my four year old could see the need for parents.  I tried not to let her see the emotion in my face, because at the time I didn’t have any words to explain those emotions.  But I know that I am truly blessed that somewhere in that little heart and mind of hers that she understands why mommies and dad’s do what they do, and more importantly what moms and dads should do. 

While I’m certain that Charles Schultz never meant for the Great Pumpkin to be a lesson on parenting, I know for sure that the meaning of this Halloween special will forever be changed in my heart.  One thing that never ceases to amaze me as a parent is that nuggets of knowledge come at unforeseen times.  I pray that my children continue to be vessels for my own enrichment.

 http://www.fancast.com/tv/It-s-the-Great-Pumpkin%2C-Charlie-Brown/99326/1601590050/It-s-the-Great-Pumpkin%2C-Charlie-Brown/videos

So as Schroeder plays that famous theme music in my head, I say, in the words of Linus, “Just wait ‘til next year Charlie Brown!” I’ll be there watching with my little girl, one year older, one year wiser, but hopefully still innocent enough to believe.

Separate But Equal: Four Different Discipline Plans-One Home

I knew what I was getting into as a step parent, but I didn’t know that the issue of discipline would be such a challenge.  There are experts that say that step parents are not supposed to discipline their step children and to leave that up to the parent. Theoretically, this sounds good (and if you’ve ever been in family court, a judge will basically say the same thing).  Realistically, this may be difficult in many homes where couples have joint custody.  In our case, there is joint custody and joint residency. My husband is a fire fighter and works 24 hour shifts, which means there times when I manage the household and the children on my own.  As a result, there are times when it is impossible for me not to discipline the kids.  Honestly, I would love not to get involve at that level (for obvious reasons) but that’s unrealistic. 

There are four philosophies of discipline that are exercised in our home.   There is a relaxed level of discipline with our eldest child, a drill sergeant-boot camp style with the next child and a new-aged “Love and Logic^©” (http://www.loveandlogic.com/) approach with the third child and thus far, we haven’t come up with a discipline plan of action for the one year old whose greatest offense is leaving Hansel and Gretel-like trails of crumbs from room to room.

Our children haven’t gotten to the point where they exclaim “that’s not fair,” [well, our daughter seems to think everything isn’t fair…I guess that’s what you do when you’re four] when a level of punishment is levied that doesn’t seem suitable in their eyes, but my fear is that they will begin to see or sense a level of differential treatment when it comes to how they are disciplined.    As a parent, it’s difficult for me to find a balance when it comes to disciplining the children I gave birth to and disciplining the fine young boys that became my sons after marriage.

My husband and I have had several conversations about discipline in our home but I don’t think he truly realized where I’m coming from as the step parent.   I also think that in a larger context, the relationship that we both have with the biological mothers seems to dictate or to some degree have an impact on how we approach discipline.  When infractions occur, especially with my two oldest sons, I often refer to my husband.  I do this because as the stepparent, it’s safe for me.  I’ve had some issues that I’ll talk about in future blogs that have made me truly leery about disciplining them beyond a stern “Go to your room,” but I also realized that I have to share equally in the discipline in our home.  Children are not static beings and as they evolve and grow, so too must the parents.  When I am in charge, I exercise a plan for discipline that is age and gender appropriate but one that is not so extreme that it becomes obviously unfair. 

The other day I think there was something in the water because all of our children seemed to be beside themselves.   My husband ran up the stairs to break up argument that had been brewing for a couple of minutes and after his speech about respect, keeping your hands to yourself, and how flatulence was  not funny (especially in a room with the door shut), there was one punishment for all…take your baths and go to bed.  Only if every situation could be this easy…

Here are a few guidelines for making discipline as a stepparent  easier [1]:

1. If you are the stepparent (and it’s early on in the relationship/marriage), let your partner handle most discipline during the first few months and, in some cases, years. Children accept guidance and discipline more easily from someone they trust, love, and have lived with than from a newcomer. As a stepparent, focus on building a strong relationship with the child.

2. Parents need to discuss rules and consequences as a couple. Talk about behavior problems and expectations with your new partner. This allows the stepparent to also be involved with discipline.

3. Leave the stepparent in charge when the child’s parent is gone. Tell your children before you  leave, “I’ve asked (stepparent’s name) to take over while I’m away.” This helps children  understand that the stepparent carries out rules both parents have agreed on. If possible, wait until the child’s parent returns to enforce the consequences.

4. Remember that a stepparent’s ability to handle discipline improves with time. Allow time for a

positive and loving relationship to develop before stepparents share equally in discipline. It may take longer with older children.

[1] Source: www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1547C.pdf#search='stepparent%20discipline'

Words from a Bullied Mom

Stanley Polite and Stan Beckton. At age 41 I still remember the names of the two boys who bullied me (respectively) in elementary school and high school.  Looking back, I went to middle school unscathed by bullies because the school was full of awkward kids transitioning from elementary school to an environment that was supposedly designed to prepare you for the big move to high school.  Stanley Polite (Wow…what irony in that last name) was the meanest boy in elementary school.  I can’t remember a day in 5th or 6th grade where I didn’t run home because Stanley was bothering me.  I wasn't his only victim, but I know that me and another frail girl, Regina were his primary targets.  Stanley would run behind us and grope our beast (I guess in 5th grade it was just a chest) and rear ends and sometimes he’d grab you by the waist and dry-hump us like he was a wild dog.  He picked over my food at lunchtime and he would randomly smack you in the face when you least expected it. 

I remember one afternoon making a break for it.  I called myself getting a head start on the run home but Stanley caught me.  No groping this time though.  Instead he cornered me between a wall and a mud puddle and began to splash mud all over me.  I think that this incident prompted me to finally tell my parents about this kid.  Back then, there was no bully prevent week, no educational initiatives to counter bullying; just some old fashioned sage advice from my parents...you'll have to stand up for yourself and fight back.  Fast forward to high school and Stan Beckton.  I was truly a target in high school; greasy Jheri Curl, dark skinned with a tooth pick physique and Tough Skin jeans from Sears.  While a lot of kids picked on me, Stan was the worst.  Everyday Stan had something nasty to say to me that would garner huge laughs.  He had every dark girl joke in the book that he would hurl at me and the laughs would follow.  I finally fought back one day when Stan took it upon himself to play a joke on me by pulling my chair out from under me as I sat down.  I hit the floor, my glasses broke, and everyone laughed.  I don’t know where my energy came from but what happened next was out of character for me.

I picked up my chair and began to hit Stan with it. I was yelling and crying and can’t remember anyone trying to stop me, but once I realized what I had done (I broke his glasses too), I collected my things, went to the office and told the secretary what I did.  I called my mom and ask her to come and get me. Needless to say, Stan didn't bother me anymore. But why did it have to come to this.  Weren't my tears enough for him to see that he was hurting me?

I often wonder where Stanley Polite and Stan Beckton are, if they’re parents, and what type of children they have.  I wonder if they remember how many people they hurt with their teasing and bullying.  I also think about those people who stood by laughing or walked away secretly thanking God that they weren’t me. 

I didn’t grow up to be one of those adults who goes on the Maury show to confront my high school bully (You know the episodes I’m talking about…the ones where the nerdy high school girl turned triple D-cup exotic dancer confronts the guy who bullied her in high school and begs for an apology) but as a mom, I think about the impact that those two boys had on my life, and make it a point to talk to my children about their own actions. 

My children are all different:  we’ve got one cool kid (who’s a jokester at times), one creative kid who enjoys the arts, sports and everything in between (and who sometimes gets teased), and then there’s our little Lady Bug who’s a sweet girl who seems to be excepted by her preschool peers. (At the ripe old age of 1, our baby’s biggest challenge is the staircase).  We’ve wiped a few tears because hurtful things have been said or because someone is getting teased too much, but a few weeks ago we had a major bullying moment.  One of our sons was told in a nutshell that he didn’t have any friends and that he was nothing more than a tag-along.  My husband and I took time to talk about feeling, teasing and respect.  And we had to be real and say, this was mild compared to what some mean kids will say and do.  We also stressed the importance of them not bullying each other because in my experience, sometimes, the harshest words can come from those in your own family.

In September of this year, father, James Jones confronted his daughter’s bullies on the school bus after boys did everything from tease to throw condoms at her on the ride to and from school. While, I don’t condone his approach (the cursing, yelling, threats [see video]), it’s sad to say that  in this day and age, bullying has gotten so bad that drastic measure are a must.  My heart went out to this family because I’ve been where that little girl is and I know that the dad truly meant to do nothing more than protect his daughter.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/dad-loses-cool-threatens-students-bus/story?id=11660119&page=1

When I look back on my life, what has hurt me the most are harsh words said by people in the spirit of ugliness and a show of their own lack of self esteem and self worth.  As a mother I know I can’t protect my children from something that some may view as a natural part of growing up, but I can do my part to make sure my children don’t engage in bullying, don’t stand by idly while others are bullied and empower them with the knowledge of self-love and respect so their esteem won’t be challenged by those who find pleasure in breaking other’s spirits.

Answering the Difficult Questions

The other day Tyler and I were driving home and shortly after I pulled out of the parking lot at her school she asked me a question.  “Why doesn’t Madison see his mom?”  The first thing I thought was damn, why couldn’t she ask this question when we got closer to home…I’d have less time to ponder an answer?  Here I am with a 20 minute ride trying to figure out whether to avoid or answer the question.  She asks me again.

Back story:  in February of this year Micah was granted custody of Madison and by the order of the court, his mom has only supervised visits three times a month.  The visits were consistent at first, then they became sporadic and by August, no visits at all; hence, Tyler’s question… I suppose.

Trying to explain to a four year old why her brothers don’t live with their mom and dad like she does was a challenge for both her father and I, but we managed to do it and suffice to say, she hasn’t asked that question again.  But I struggled to answer her most recent question and for 20 minutes, I stuttered and stammered, tried to change the subject and finally just told her that I didn’t know.

Truth be told, I don’t know why some women will live a life that is not complimentary to being a mother.  I don’t want to waste any of my words on talking about ‘her’ per say but it pains me to see my son (I hate the term stepson) in the space that he is in.  I know that if the four year old has questions then certainly the child who is directly impacted by the absence of a mother has questions as well.  Sometimes, I look into his big brown eyes and I can see the pain.  I wish that I really knew what he experienced prior to living with us fulltime, I wish I could make it right and even wish I could make the guilt and pain that his dad has go away as well. 

When I made the decision to become a mom, I made the decision to give up weekend after weekend of nightlight and girlfriend outings, monthly spa days, grandiose shopping sprees…you get the picture.  I’m not saying I don’t indulge in those things from time to time now, but I enjoy ‘grown up’ moments with my sister friends and hubby in moderation.  My sons and daughter come first and I enjoy making the necessary sacrifices to make their lives more abundant. 

While I pray that the custody situation remains as it is, I also pray that Madison’s mom gets a reality check and wakes up.  To her I say (not that her eyes will grace this blog) you were blessed by God to even be given the privilege of carrying an angel in your womb and it was Our Father’s assumption that you would raise your child in a way pleasing to him and live a life conducive to doing so.

In the meantime my wonderful husband and I will continue to do what we love to do and that is be parents and be a family and we can only hope that when Madison begins to ask the difficult questions, that we have the right answers.

Words from a Mahogany Mom

A few months ago, a wonderful sister-friend suggested I write a blog (you remember that Syb?) well, it’s taken a few additional months to think about it, pray on it and visualize a commitment to monthly blogging but I've decided to commit myself to writing a blog with the aim of reaching out to other African American moms.

The past few years of my life have been amazing, but they’ve also been marked with their share of ups and downs, drama, legal woes and day-to-day moments of frustration and uncertainty. While many women (regardless of color) can relate to bits and pieces of my story, I think that my life is worth sharing because I bring a unique perspective to motherhood; I’m a stepmother to two boys who have different mothers, I’m an adopted women who found both biological parents, and am a educator with a history of teaching at HBCUs.

I know the blogosphere is filled with words of wisdom from those who are self-proclaimed experts in everything from blogs about knitting to those offering a political voice.  My goal is simple; to share a piece of myself that will help other women, make them laugh, give them the freedom to take off the super-girl cape from time to time and most importantly to provide a forum where women don’t have to be afraid to embrace their lived experiences.

Stay tuned for more from this Mahogany Mom.