A New Narrative for 2012

I've pondered what to write about as I close out this year.  Resolutions aren't my thing, neither are clichés, so for a moment I was at a loss.  Thanks to a wonderful sister-friend Sybil Bowick, who sent me a link to a video, I have written the following:

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When the movie For Colored Girls came out in 2010, I remember my sister Brenda saying that one thing she got from the movie was that every day we make choices; and when we make choices that give other people in our lives power we cannot blame anyone but ourselves.  For the duration of 2010 and 2011, I kept this in my left cerebrum and retrieved it often. 

Not that I haven't been a serious and critical thinker all my life, but in the last few years, I have found that thoroughly thinking through my choices and how they will benefit or hinder me (and do the same for others) has enriched my life ten-fold.  Probably, one of the most significant benefits of implementing a different way of thinking is the fact that my self-esteem and the value that I see in the person that I have grown to become have also been strengthened.

For many of us, we journey through life pointing the finger of blame at everyone around us because of our failures, inability to conquer obstacles and revelation that after years we have not accomplished anything on our goals or bucket list.

As women, the discourse surrounding who we are and what we should be is so deeply rooted in stereotypes that we let these things stagnate us.  Instead of rising above, we tend to fall in line and march with all of the other female soldiers. For example, we go like the Energizer Bunny because we do not feel like we can retire the Superman cape. We overcompensate because we feel guilty about being working moms.  We over accessorize and load up on foundation and the latest MAC cosmetics because the world says that is what makes us beautiful and sexy.  We do other duties as assigned at work (while some of our male colleagues won’t) and somehow we figure out how to make it work and still be at soccer, football, basketball and piano lessons on time!  Guilty as charged!

In the video that I referenced at the beginning of this blog, the author, Ariana Proehl speaks about the Death of the Single Black Woman Narrative. My charge to you, as hers was in the video, is to create a new narrative for 2012.  One in which the world sees you putting yourself first. A narrative in which others see you making decisions that benefit you and that are empowering.  A narrative that allows you to rip off that Superman cape and scream to the top of your lungs for help when you need it; a narrative that encourages others to look at women from an open, respectful, objective and ethical perspective; and narrative that forces people to see you as an individual.  A narrative of this nature may seem selfish, but when we take care of ourselves first, then and only then can we put our best foot forward in terms of taking care of others.  At the end of the day, as wives and mothers, that is the job that we have committed ourselves to, thus we must make the investment to do it well.  The investment starts at home.

While what I have written screams of psychoanalytic feminist thought, I do not profess to follow any fundamental feminist theories, but as a social scientist by trade, I do embrace the idea of empowerment, respect and social change.

This year, should be one in which your life is better than before because you choose to make it that way.  2012 should be filled with moments of smelling the flowers, taking time out for YOU, laughing when you can’t do anything else, crying when you need to, and sometimes just sitting in silent thought (oops, I couldn’t escape the clichés).

It is not going to be an easy journey…if God made it so, we wouldn’t have faith, but take one day and a time and make 2012 the best year ever.

 PS:  Check out Ariana Proehl's Youtube Post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFYtkJfphOQ&feature=email

When Life Isn't Fair

Me and my #2 son Madison

My son recently auditioned for his first school play. For five days, we listened to him practice his lines and sing one of the songs from Alice in Wonderland...the Musical. He was pretty excited about the opportunity to audition even though I talked him down from auditioning for the part of the Mad Hatter because of the magnitude of that role.

Audition day arrives and the pods in the school were filled with students ready to audition. Luckily enough, Madison had an early audition time, so he only had to wait about 2 hours. On the ride home, he said that he felt good about his audition, even though his voice was low during some of the speaking parts.


The follow Monday when the cast was posted Madison's name was nowhere to be found. Although he wasn’t sad about not making the cut, one thing that he was puzzled about was the fact that the musical director and ever teacher that had a child audition for the play made it.  The musical director’s daughter even captured the lead role! Madison did not recognize this as being ‘unfair’ but I certainly did.

My first impulse was to call the principal and just inquire about this, as Madison told me that during the play orientation students were told that just because kids auditioning had parents that worked at the school didn’t guarantee them a part in the play. My husband interjected and told me that although it wasn’t fair that this is indeed how life is.  He went further to say how our son’s always get to play the entire basketball games, as their dad is the coach.  This was an eye-opener, as I never really thought about how other parents on the basketball teams must feel, seeing our son’s play entire games while their children ride the bench or get limited playing time.

It seems as if we can deal with life being unfair, until that hand is dealt to our own kids.  After much reflection and discussion with other parents, no phone call was made, but I sat down with Madison and told him that sometimes in life what may be unfair to others, whether it is by way of nepotism or long-standing friendships may have its benefits to the individual on the receiving end of the opportunity granted.  I told him that in my life I’ve been the beneficiary of some of these gifts; every job that I’ve ever gotten has been because of a dear friend’s reference or by way of them having inside knowledge of a job opportunity.  To those friends, Joy Arnold Russell, Patricia Smith, and Tracey McLeod I say thank you.

And so…instead of looking at some of life’s little moments as not being fair maybe we should look at them as platforms from which our hopes for success and accomplishment of our personal goals continue to spring eternal.

The Mitten Tree

Every since Black Friday, I’ve been in the holiday spirit.  I like going out in the wee hours of the morning (even though I rarely purchase anything) just to people-watch.  It’s amazing to see the strategic game faces, the lack of patience, frustration, excitement and anxiety.  Emotions that result from the desire to purchase the ‘perfect gift’ that will probably have a 24 hour lifespan, be thrown in a closet or re-gifted.

One face (or the faces) that we never get to see are those made brighter when we drop a toy in the Toys for Tots Box at a local retailer or take a mitten off a Mitten Tree in a mall, on campus, at church or drug store.  I don’t think I’ve passed up a mitten tree this season.  I took a mitten from Wal-Mart and purchased a doll, I clipped mittens to the tree in the lobby at Del Tech, I took several mittens from the tree at church (so that each of the kids could give a gift), and I took toys to this month’s sorority meeting for the annual holiday party. 

Each time I’ve taken a mitten, I’ve stared blankly at the tree wondering what that particular family would do on Christmas morning had it not been for the respective organizations and their willingness to solicit gifts, especially during a season in which many are facing financial hardships themselves.  I wonder how the family member felt when asked to write down what they wanted for Christmas (on one tree there were nothing but necessities listed on the mittens…diapers, bottles, gloves, socks and underwear; no toys at all).  I even thought about those individuals who would probably work tirelessly to wrap and deliver all the gifts, knowing all too well that when it comes to the hard work of a true community servant, sometimes you are in the trenches alone.

I reflected on the fact that this seasons, whether it be through Delta Sigma Theta, student organizations on campus which I advise, church or pageantry, that I seem to have more opportunities than ever to serve and to give back.  Which lead me to another thought; what happens when this season has come and gone?  What happens when there are no more mitten trees?  Will those individuals who are so thought about during Christmas fade away until it is once again time to hang tinsel and adorn another tree with mittens?

I am so thankful for all that I have and all that I am able to give, but I’m most humbled at the fact that I carry a mitten tree in my heart year-round. 

Take a mitten or two
Make a holiday wish come true.

Bake an extra batch of cookies

One for home and one to share.

Tip the postal worker and the trash guy

Just to show them that you care.

Take a mitten or two

And warm someone else’s heart.

Be a secret angel

As Christ did on the cross.

Take a mitten or two

But don’t just share this month.

Make a commitment to give all year long

And continually share love and warmth.


Merry CHRISTmas!