Summer has officially started with whopping 90 degree
temperatures across the great first state.
According to my husband, it was too hot to go to our pool (it’s new and
they have no umbrellas and only two pool chairs), the AC couldn’t cool the
house fast enough and while I was at work battling a leaky ceiling, he had to
find a way to entertain our children. So
the first day of summer was billed as a movie day complete with a Delaware
treat, Rita’s water ice.
For the next 90 days or so, while the boys of summer are
hitting the mounds, while beaches and amusement parks are packed with families
and field-trippers, you may be pulling your hair out. I am one of those people who tend to dread
summer vacation. I guess it’s a
combination of the thought of trying to entertain four children, the spike in
gas prices, long drives to the end of nowhere and the fact that every other
year, our family makes the trek to Orlando to visit the great mouse. To heighten my anxiety, the Disney trip is ‘sponsored’
by my mother-in-law whose rules of engagement on vacation are a bit different
from mine.
Over the years, I’ve learned to relax a bit more and take
things in stride, but a level of stress still exists as we secretly pack and
plan for the bi-annual trip to Florida.
I can recall my first trip with what are now my in-laws. My sons were 2 and 4 and my husband and I
were not engaged so I truly didn’t have any say so as it related to day-to-day
activities. I remember the children
being restless as the family made its way through various Disney parks, a great
deal of structure in the condo and a vacation that from my perspective wasn’t
child friendly. Needless to say, as soon
as I was able to get an Internet connection, I found a flight back to
Washington, and parted ways.
Our first vacation after marriage was a bit different. Our children’s god parents and their children
ventured to Florida with us. The adults
were outnumbered and we had no choice but to focus on entertaining our children,
ranging in ages one to 13. I felt
comfortable making it clear that I didn’t see the need to drag our children to
amusement parks everyday and that with the exception of the one day in which
tickets had already been purchased (we split up into two group and took the
smaller children to the Magic Kingdom and the husbands and the boys went to
Universal Studios) we would allow the children to decide what they wanted to
do. We weren’t on a Disney honeymoon…we
were there with our kids and in my mind; their idea of fun should prevail. There were moments when my husband felt as if
he was being pulled in too many directions at one time, but overall, I think
the vacation was a success.
In true Edwards’ fashion, we have not told our children when
or where we’re going on vacation this year.
We learned our lesson a few years ago and sadly enough had to disappoint
our children when we suddenly had to cancel the trip. This year, however, my husband and I did sit
down and debrief about our previous trip to Florida, making notes of the things
that worked and the things that we should forever trash in terms of our
vacation planning. Each child has their
own digital device that plays videos, music, games, etc., we plan to
effectively utilize the space in our truck and have chosen to move Tyler to the
third row (for some reason this has created a sense of independence in her and
she no longer ‘bothers’ us while driving), and we won’t over pack in terms of
food and clothing).
These are a few things that we hope will work as we prepare
for this year’s summer vacation. As we
transition from the academic year to summer festivities, we try to effectively
incorporate ‘downtime’ and plan outings that
will lead to great memories. You may or
may not have a strategy for managing summer stress, but fortunately, a
wonderful Soror and friend, Nancy Barbour, shared these summer survival tips
from Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm (http://celebratecalm.com/):
Summer Survival Tips
1) Create order and structure
that is settling.
Develop three simple traditions that you keep every day, throughout the day, no matter where you are...to replace the settling nature of school routines.
Use the "Choices and Promises" discipline tool so kids learn to make choices and own their consequences. Make your promises concrete. Don't just say, "Oh, we'll do that later." Say no upfront if you can't do it. Or tell kids a specific time so they can plan.
Give kids ownership by asking them to plan activities for the week. Continually reset expectations to minimize surprises. Plan downtime and keep to it. Take time for yourself. If you are worn out and overwhelmed, you'll snap and be impatient.
2) Stimulate your child's brain and meet sensory needs.
Begin the day with exercise. The more vigorous, the better. Swimming is great because it wears (some) kids out and meets sensory needs. Have a treasure hunt outside.
Give kids very purposeful missions and responsibilities--keep their brains engaged. Have another adult give them jobs. Volunteer, start a business, sell lemonade. Expect them to act like grown-ups. Praise more than you punish.
Small snacks throughout the day, especially protein (trail mix, almonds, nuts), will regulate blood sugar levels and keep everyone more balanced. Say NO to sugar, food dyes, soda, juices and junk candy. Drink water. It saves lots of money, too!
Develop three simple traditions that you keep every day, throughout the day, no matter where you are...to replace the settling nature of school routines.
Use the "Choices and Promises" discipline tool so kids learn to make choices and own their consequences. Make your promises concrete. Don't just say, "Oh, we'll do that later." Say no upfront if you can't do it. Or tell kids a specific time so they can plan.
Give kids ownership by asking them to plan activities for the week. Continually reset expectations to minimize surprises. Plan downtime and keep to it. Take time for yourself. If you are worn out and overwhelmed, you'll snap and be impatient.
2) Stimulate your child's brain and meet sensory needs.
Begin the day with exercise. The more vigorous, the better. Swimming is great because it wears (some) kids out and meets sensory needs. Have a treasure hunt outside.
Give kids very purposeful missions and responsibilities--keep their brains engaged. Have another adult give them jobs. Volunteer, start a business, sell lemonade. Expect them to act like grown-ups. Praise more than you punish.
Small snacks throughout the day, especially protein (trail mix, almonds, nuts), will regulate blood sugar levels and keep everyone more balanced. Say NO to sugar, food dyes, soda, juices and junk candy. Drink water. It saves lots of money, too!
3) Teach your kids how to
control themselves.
Have your kids earn spending money and establish a reasonable budget BEFORE your trip. Put each child's money in an envelope so it's concrete and finite. On the first day, when they want to blow $35 on a souvenir, show them they only have $15 left. Walking away shows self-control.
Stop being the referee when kids squabble. "After all I do for you...you have video games and toys you never even play with...that I never even dreamed of having as a kid...and you can't even get along for 20 minutes. Go to your rooms! Now!" Here's the truth. If you don't use summer time to teach your kids how to exercise self-respect, self-control and resolve conflict, your kids will grow up unable to handle conflict...and replicate the shallow, fear-drive marriages most couples endure. Show them how.
Plan for things to go wrong. It rains. The lines are too long. A ride is closed. If we grab an upset child's arm and yell, "You are not going on ANY more rides if you don't shape up right now!" we will escalate the situation and make life miserable. Do you have a calming routine already planned out as the leader? Have you practiced it?
Have your kids earn spending money and establish a reasonable budget BEFORE your trip. Put each child's money in an envelope so it's concrete and finite. On the first day, when they want to blow $35 on a souvenir, show them they only have $15 left. Walking away shows self-control.
Stop being the referee when kids squabble. "After all I do for you...you have video games and toys you never even play with...that I never even dreamed of having as a kid...and you can't even get along for 20 minutes. Go to your rooms! Now!" Here's the truth. If you don't use summer time to teach your kids how to exercise self-respect, self-control and resolve conflict, your kids will grow up unable to handle conflict...and replicate the shallow, fear-drive marriages most couples endure. Show them how.
Plan for things to go wrong. It rains. The lines are too long. A ride is closed. If we grab an upset child's arm and yell, "You are not going on ANY more rides if you don't shape up right now!" we will escalate the situation and make life miserable. Do you have a calming routine already planned out as the leader? Have you practiced it?
As Kirk says, you should enjoy this time with your children and be able to manage life with your children when things don’t go as planned without losing your cool! Now get off the computer and got make memories!
