The Total Package

Twenty two years ago I had my dream job. I was a television producer for the award-winning Teen Summit on Black Entertainment Television. Although I had a very small on air segment, the BET glam squad took time to make sure that every stitch of my weave was in place, make up was flawless and that I had on the latest fashions.  Even when they weren't around, they had equipped me with the skills necessary to maintain the professional look of a journalist.

Fast forward to NFL Sunday football and Pam Oliver. There have been enough jokes and I've even seen a few prayers for her to make a change so no need to deploy any comedic talents to fuel the fire.

I think this does deserve some serious commentary. I've become more of a sports fan partly because of the female presence of all of the sports journalists who have been able to maintain stability in one of the most male dominated industries.

To this end, I know in my heart that Pam Oliver has read the commentary, seen the pictures and is tired of it, but truthfully, I also know that Pam knows better.  My thought is that an individual's  presence as a journalist is comprised of more than your knowledge of the field in which you are reporting/covering.  To me, Pam Oliver is a pioneer and quite possibly an inspiration not only to women who may want  to someday walk in her shoes but she may be inspiring all people to have the courage to pursue career aspirations in fields with a history of gender, age, and racial inequality. Her success can't be ignored, but how she's been looking for the past two Sunday's is overshadowing these great strides.

I've probably read as many posts or articles about Pam's hair as you have in the span of a week and critics are being outed for tearing a 'sista' down, being harsh and sexists (one commentary stated that this would never be an issue for a male broadcaster) and making much ado about nothing as it relates to Pam Oliver's weave situation. Of course there are stark comparisons to the Gabby Douglas hair commentary from the Summer Olympics but the difference here is that 1) Pam is a grown woman and 2) she has a job in which appearing on camera is front and center.

Your skills are important but how you look on camera is just as important. I don't think I've ever seen a journalist (male or female) that appears 'not put together from head to toe' time and again.  I don't want anyone to walk away from this post thinking that I'm superficial but I do think Mrs. Oliver has a career in which her outward appearance is important. 

I dare not venture into any commentary talking about how touchy the 'black hair' issue is or how this is just one of those cultural issues that we can't seem to let go of, because for me this isn't really about black hair.  It's about a female journalist who knows that she is held to different standards than her male counterparts (which is TOTALLY wrong) in a male dominated industry that just so happened NOT to put her best foot forward, in terms of her appearance, two Sunday's in a row.  

I'm not going to get all churchy on folks as I bring this post to a close, but I'm reminded of a story my husband told me that he heard Joel Olsteen share on a radio program.  Mr. Olsteen's wife asked him to run to the grocery store and get something for dinner.  He had just finished working out and was sweaty with an old  t-shirt and gym pants on.  He hopped in the car with the hopes of running into the store without being noticed. He said that just as he was getting ready to get out of the car and go into the grocery store God spoke to him.  

"God Spoke to me. I  mean, if God has every spoken to me, He spoke to me right there!  Right down inside, I'm sure He said, "Don't you dare go in their representing Me like that!" He said, "Don't you know that I'm the King of Kings?" (You Best Life Now, page 285)

Joel Olsteen said he went back home, took a shower and but on clean clothes and then went back to the store.  The bottom line for him was that God doesn't appreciated laziness or sloppiness. 

Why is this important here?  We'll for me, it was my husband's way of ministering to me as I was having one of those moments where putting myself together wasn't at the top of my list.  I often think about the conversation my  husband and I had regarding Joel Olsteen's comments and how that applied to our lives. Sure there are moments where I want to put on a baseball cap and dark glasses and run errands, or days when I don't want to put on my best face, but you know what?  I'm obligated to.  As a professional woman, mother, believer and mentor, I have an obligation to be the best me I can be all the time.  This definitely isn't an association with perfection, but I try hard to show that I have pride in myself both internally and externally. 

I'm not saying that Pam Oliver needs to embrace the spiritual teaching of Joe Olsteen (but if you want to, you can read the entire book at  www.slideshare.net/FreeLeaks/your-best-life-now-by-joel-osteen), or that she's not putting her best foot forward but there is room for reflection and improvement in all of us.

I'm sure she knows that she was a trending topic yesterday on social media. She has to know that people will be watching not only to see the Seahawks and Denver battle it out for Football's most prestigious honor but to see if she cares enough about herself to make a return to being the total package every time she's on camera.

My People are Destroyed For Lack of Knowledge

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.

Hosea 4:6


On Monday night Micah and I were doing as we usually do, watching sports and chatting about what was on our social media platforms.  Suddenly he shows me what is probably the most ignorant and disrespectful event flyer that I've ever seen...An MLK Freedom to Twerk Party Flyer.

He began to read the comments on his Facebook page and most people our age were outraged...as we should be.  After scrolling back up from the comments we noticed that Dr. King's image has been photoshopped onto the flyer adding to our dismay.

Fast forward to Thursday when Micah told me that a host of radio personalities lead the charge to bring attention to this buffoonery and disrespect of one of the greatest civil rights leaders of our time, leading the party promoter to cancel the event.

I can't be help to ask myself how a promoter in Michigan could see nothing wrong with superimposing an image of some held in such high regard with something that has been viewed as culturally-fracturing and degrading. Supposedly the promoter told club owner, Vic McEwen, that he didn't see anything wrong with the flyer...and subsequently McEwen broke the contract and cancelled the event.  In the event that the promoter is, let's say 13...then maybe a true understanding of what this holiday means is absent, however, we all know the promoter is probably  someone who has a modicum of sense and knows what the civil rights movement and Dr. King's efforts and death are all about. I think it says a great deal about Mr. McEwen, a black business owner who took a loss on the event, but my only hope is that he took time to have a come to Jesus meeting with the promoter and used this miscarriage of imagery as a teaching moment.

I often think that young people have little regard for anything that has been done to open doors for the marginalized, lost, broken-spirited  and oppressed people in society.  Perhaps it's because they live in a world with  [alleged] equality, excess and instant gratification and have been lead to believe that the fight is over.

Shame on the promoters parents, teachers, peers, etc. who didn't teach him about his history and struggles of the past.  Or is it shame on this opportunist who chose to ignore those things and who probably throws a Freedom to Twerk party during the weekend of every nationally observed holiday.  Shame on those individuals who got a kick out of seeing our great Dr. King super imposed over a body with low-hanging pants, a medallion around his neck and hands clasped to resemble a gang sign.  Shame on the fact that fifty years later people still don't get it.

The promoter has since opened the venue door for a a positive and celebratory event and yes with an appropriate flyer...but it should have never come to this.  I'm so blessed that I was raised by a father who made it a point to show me the scar on the back of head from which he was hit with a police baton while participating in a civil rights march in Washington, DC.  I'm truly bless to have parents who were raised with a principles of spirituality and community service to which I have committed myself to. I'm grateful for my friends, family and colleagues who are in the trenches everyday making sure that our youth are guided in the right direction.

We owe it to ourselves to not only keep Dr. King's dream alive but to follow the spiritual teachings of those leaders in our homes, churches and communities and do our part (no matter how great or how small) to make a difference.

To the promoters (who probably are the first and won't be the last to inappropriately use Dr. King's image) I hope that this past week has given you time to reflect and redirect your energy.  There is never a reason to put financial gain over honoring the legacy of such a worthy individual.

Enough said.

When They Start Talking Back

As the 13th birthday draws near I’ve noticed something...he’s starting to be more vocal. That’s the politically correct way of saying that Number Two (our son Madison) is starting to talk back.  I noticed it a few days ago when he questioned why I told him to called everyone to dinner when he responded "why...dinner's not even ready?!" I stopped midway in my explanation and gathered myself! Why was I even answering him? I gave him a directive and his job was to do what I said. No explanation needed.

More egregious is the fact that he consistently questions me when he’s given a chore to do. My requests are followed up with statements like “I didn’t do that,”, “why can’t ____ do it?”, or “why do I have to do it?” Mind you, the same can be asked of my husband and he gets nothing more than a sigh.  I’m constantly being told that I have to stop being a pushover and that I’m not tough enough as a disciplinarian but in my own defense I’m not a 6’8” dad who commands respect merely as a result of my stature.

From time to time I even get the stare-down; a silent challenge to my authority and when there’s an audience (the younger members of Team Edwards) they join in.

My challenge is to gain control, limit the amount of yelling that it takes to get this control, and yet exert a level of authority.  I can’t pop my kids in the mouth every time they talk back to me (ahhhh, many of you just screamed “LIKE HELL YOU CAN'T!!!”) because we live in a different day and time, but looking back I can count the number of times I talked back...two (or maybe three)! And I remember exactly where I was in my childhood home when I got slapped square in the mouth. As a 44 year old, I’m still afraid to smart off to my mother, even though she is paralyzed on one side and can’t react as quickly as she used to because I have a level of respect for her that is unwavering. Just this past Christmas, she told me to sit down and as I was getting ready to fire off an explanation as to why I couldn’t (me being the gracious host that I am I was focused on entertaining our guests) I stopped. I looked at mom and said “yes ma’am,” and quickly respected her request. Again, how times have changed.

In the words of Barney Fife (younger readers may have to Google him) I’ve gotta “nip it in the bud,” before it spreads like cancer in our home. While I wax and wane between humor and my genuine concern this is a serious issue.  My kids see sassy characters on the shows they watch, witness meltdowns and disrespect in public and often watch their peers talk back in school (and I dare not blame this latest hurdle in motherhood on the media or society although both tend to be contributing factors) but it’s no laughing matter.

I know that finding a balance between how I react and respond and trying to understand the root cause of why my kids talk back is important.  Child psychologist suggests that talking back is a natural inclination for children who are testing their limits. Other research suggests that children talk back for two reasons: when things are going their way and when things are not so good; thus the window of opportunity for kids to break the rules as they relate to their communication is wide open.  I want my children to understand the importance of being able to speak up, ask appropriate questions, and engage in constructive debate because it is a skill that needs to be developed.  Empoweringparents.com suggests that parents don’t react to backtalk as it leads parents into prolonging arguments in which they do not need to engage.  Lehman (the author of the article) goes on to say that the focus should be on accomplishing your objectives as a parent and not so much on the fact that backtalk is often viewed as a challenge to authority.  My challenge is figuring out how to facilitate the development of healthy, age-appropriate communication in a way that builds respect for authority. I am well aware of the fact that my job as a parent is to get my children to follow the rules set forth in our home but I can’t help but to acknowledge the sense of powerlessness and frustration that my kids sometimes feel when they are trying to express themselves and I cut them off because I know that the conversation will lead down a sketchy road between backtalk and defending one’s position.  As I scoured the internet for reasonable discussions about this topic (mostly from licensed professionals) most of what I found boiled down to this; the tweens and teens are very formative years and ignoring this behavior will create a bad attitude and disposition that will last a lifetime, thus as parents it’s our job to find a way to develop and display health behaviors.

 

courtesy: www.picsbox.biz

I want to empower my kids but I also want to maintain my power at home. Some say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but I’m hoping this doesn’t apply to children because in my experience, a snide, disrespectful teen has the potential to become a pretentious, mouthy and sarcastic adult.