What is a sister?

Last Sunday, DSU’s Epsilon Alpha Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta returned to the campus after a five year suspension.  Many of the young ladies on campus never thought they’d get their opportunity to become part of such a strong, service-oriented sisterhood, but for 71 girls, their dream came true at 7:10 p.m. on April 10^th. 

Spending the day with my old and new Sorors got me to thinking.  I reflected on the 11 women I had the pleasure of crossing the burning sands with (Alfrica Edmonds, Joy Arnold-Russell, Carmelita Taylor, Jeneen Robinson, Pamela Anthony, Agnes Jones, Veronica (Ronnie) Wilson Pitts, Sherry Agnew Wilson, Lori Whitehurst (RIP), Shelia Wright, Melanie Byrd) and how important these women have become in my life.  For example, I strive to uphold my commitment to service because of my line sisters (LS) Pam and Melanie.  Because of what they’ve committed themselves to as an academician and attorney [respectively], my own commitment to others is reaffirmed.  I work every day to be a good mother and wife because of my LS Carmelita and admire how she silently soars above the clouds and makes this fulltime job with required overtime look so easy.  And I giggle every time I think about Ronnie and how she said she’d never have children and how other people’s kids used to drive her batty…but look at her now, a mother and superior educator! And I only wish I could be like Joy and step out on faith as she did to open her own business and roll with the punches when they came her way.  Those are just a few of the examples of how my sorority sisters inspire me to do my very best.  I could go on forever and pull a story about each of these ladies from pledge days but the blog would indeed become a book!

I also reflected on the relationship that two of my students (now my Sorors) have developed with each other.  I have been blessed to witness their growth and development as young women and am so proud to be able to call them my sisters.  I also know that as sisters in their own families, they already embodied the spirit of the 22 Founders of Delta Sigma Theta and just needed the opportunity to be initiated into the fold of women who have such high regard for life, self, family, equality and community so that they could do their part to make this world a little greater on a grander scale. 

The same sentiment is applied to my own sister Brenda.  I think she’s amazing.  I may not tell her every day but I think she knows it.  She is a strong mother who has weathered many storms, an independent business women and a wife who has given everything to make it work.  I love to see her laugh and let her hair down from time to time and am so blessed to have such a great big sister. 

And how my life has been made greater because of my sister-friends!  You know those ladies. The ones you’ve clicked with for one reason or another or who clicked with you and 10 or 20 years later you find yourself standing next to them in a chapel on your wedding day or road-tripping with them, or sharing all the highs and lows of life.  Well I’ve got some great ones; Nayada (we claim each other as God sisters because I know he connected us at the right time), Bianca, Sybil and I've been fortunate to meet a few more women I'm proud to call sister: Ava, Claire and Shana.  Now those are some women that I know I wouldn’t have been able to make it through life without; always there when you need them.  In my corner through thick and thin and genuinely concerned about me when I needed them most.  I love you ladies with all my heart.

On April 10^th when I got home from campus after the initiation ceremony and the step show, I went into my daughter’s room and lay next to her and my heart wept because Tyler doesn’t have a sister by birth.  I wondered to myself, if someday she’d have great sister-friends like I have.  One’s who would pay your mortgage if you were short.  Travel across the country in a flash when there was a death in the family, or tell you like it is straight with no chaser, even when you didn’t want to hear it.  I wondered if I’d be able to call my own daughter my Soror (my husband often has her throwing up a pinky and hollering Skee-Wee, but I can see the Delta twinkle her eyes) and if she’d have a life-long bond with her sorority sisters and I thought about how I could nurture her relationship with her two God sisters, Nailah and Jailyn and imagined them navigating college, relationships and careers together and I did with my own God sister.

I often hear stories of young women who are not fortunate enough to have caring sisters…whether by blood or by initiation into a sisterhood of some sort.  I am so glad that I don’t have to do this thing called life without having sisters of all kinds - - my sisters, my Sorors, my sister-friends - -you’ve made me the women I am and I am so glad to call you my sister.

Dressed for Success …Or Not?

White button up dress shirt --gaps in between every button. Tummy spilling over the waist of the skirt. The leopard skin bra is visible.  Fitted skirt, popping at the seams, just long enough to cover the control top portion of the pantyhose.   Four inch hot pink peep-toe stilettos with unpainted toes peeking out.  Giant tattoo of a rose and cross adorns the right calf.   

This is what I see on a regular basis. Young women dressed in what I call “corporate club attire”. 

We’ve had several professional events on campus over the last few weeks and I’ve witnessed or should I say I’ve been repulsed by the exposure of breast and buttocks at everything from sacred ceremonies to career fairs in which Fortune 500 recruiters have made the trek to campus in search of the best and the brightest entry level employees.

I even witnessed the celebration of over exposed breast (the young lady dressed in her corporate club outfit laughingly shook her breast as a greeting to several other scantily clad women) along with two other faculty members at which the eldest of us suggested that we [the two younger faculty members] do something about these young women and their lack of pride in self and over sexualization that they seem to embrace so openly.  I seized the opportunity to speak with the young women about her attire and to my surprise, she was receptive to my feedback, but that was one, out of what…hundreds of young women on college campuses that don’t have a clue about what is appropriate in the business world.

Upon further investigation (conversations with other faculty, mentors and students) it was revealed that many of today’s young women don’t know what proper business attire is.  To my surprise, I’ve come in contact with several female students who for the first time purchased a suit because they needed it for a ceremony and on the day of, it was clearly evident as many of them did not remove the cross stitch from the skirt or blazer they were wearing!

This may be great fodder for a Twitter or Facebook thread, but the reality is that it is sad.  What are we [meaning those of us who’ve arrived in the ‘corporate’ sense] doing to address this issues and engage in corrective measure that will enable these young women to meet with success?  Are we mentoring? Do we pull young women aside when we see an attire disaster waiting to happen?  I can honestly say that I do.  Everything from bringing suits to campus for students to wear to conferences or formal events, to talking in class about professional protocol (for both men and women) to writing this piece.   

We were blessed to have Fonzworth Bentley participate in our 7th Annual Mass Communications Day Symposium, and during his motivational talk, he touched upon what I’d like to call the essences of your professional self.   He talked about having a sense of corporate style about you; a mixture of high end consignment, to standard pieces like a traditional black suit, and how this essence needed to always shine through. 

It is a reality that a college student may have a bad hair day from time to time and that sweat pants and ones’ comfy school spirited sweat shirt may be

the order of the day but that too can be done with a sense of class and style.  Do you need to have Pink

plastered on your posterior?  In my opinion - no. 

In no way am I declaring myself a Paris runway veteran.  No red bottoms in my closet, Jeffery Campbell’s, Badgley Mischka or Hervé  Léger (a girl can dream though) but I do have a classic, yet individual style that speaks to who I am and that doesn’t raise eyebrows.  I even have a few tattoos, but Dermablend has been a friend since I got my first one nearly 20 years ago.  I’ve also had to learn some hard lessons because I wasn’t dressed for success.  I’ve had to go out and buy suits in the middle of the workday in order to attend meetings that were a part of my workplace obligation and I have missed opportunities because my attire didn’t meet the requirements of an unscheduled event at work…one of which was a visit to the White House. 

What is your essence of your professional self?  If you don’t know, maybe it’s time to think about it, especially if you are a rising star in college getting ready to graduate to the dog-eat-dog corporate world.  As an educator, you know that I think one’s academic savvy is what matters most, but as the realist who’s been successful in the entertainment industry, corporate and government sectors, I know firsthand that image is EVERYTHING.  Don’t get me wrong…some students are getting it right.  There’s a sense of style that permeates everything they do.  I applaud those students and know that they have a mindset that will lead to much success after college and beyond.

Before you let it all hang out and glam it up with some not so appropriate footwear or that favorite top with the plunging neckline, think about the impression other may take away from your appearance, think about the unknown opportunities for schmoozing or networking that may be presented on a daily basis and lastly think about how you actually feel when you do dress for success.