I can recall the day I began to shine. It was in 1995 and was about to do my first live television segment on Black Entertainment Television's Teen Summit. Up until that point, I had been this skinny, Jheri curl-wearing bookworm. Not too appealing to the eye but I had my sense of humor about me and I prided myself in being smart. I was excited about being given the opportunity to shine as one of BET’s fresh faces and embraced the new celebrity status that came with being on television. I shined for about two years and even found a new niche as a motivational speaker, but something began to tarnish. That glow was slowly fading away and I was feeling empty.
I knew that I was at a fork in the road so to speak in terms of my career but I didn’t know what to do about it. But one thing that I had become accustomed to was that ‘shining’ and I craved it. Looking back, I didn’t realize that there were more ways to shine and that literally being in the spotlight wasn’t the only way for your energy to radiate and for you to be viewed as successful.
Thus my challenges continued. It wasn’t until 2000 that I got a wake up call. BET was brought by Viacom and Teen Summit faded away into the sunset. No more jet setting, public appearances, live television…it was over. My light was out. Ironically, I made the decision to return to school in 1999 to pursue a graduate degree so I was already making the transition from television back to textbooks and after walking across the stage in 2001 a new halo of light appeared. I was excited about my recent accomplishment; I paid for graduate school on my own, balanced my academic life and full time job all while providing care for my mother. I had a new energy and I decided to capitalize on that. I applied to the doctoral program at the University of Maryland and at Howard University. I received the standard rejection letter from the University of Maryland but on that same day a call came in from the graduate school at Howard and I was informed that I was the recipient of a Lily Fellowship and that I needed to sign my paperwork and schedule an orientation. My PhD journey began.
At this point I thought the glow was back for sure, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. My light fizzled more over the next seven years that I had ever experienced before. I was 32 years old in class with 20 something’s, my research background wasn’t as strong and to make matters worse, a now famous (or infamous) reality star told me that I would be successful in the PhD program at Howard because in their words, “students from Bowie don’t do well in our program.”
My thought of accomplishing the task of completing the PhD program and becoming part of an elite group of scholars was sure to give me what folks now call swagger; it would once again allow me to shine. And on top of that, there weren’t too many people in my inner circle who held the title of doctor of philosophy so this would be big. My fellowship was nearing its end, I was struggling with my advisement committee, and I was at the seven year mark, which meant if I didn’t complete the degree program I would have to retake the comprehensive exam.
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| My life now, BET/Teen Summit Moment and Graduating with Oprah |
Fast forward to the here and now…I made a complete career transition and I’ve got that PhD and I’m shining but not for all to see. Now when I think about shining, it means humbly taking on tasks that will enrich the lives of others. Participating in work both on campus and in the community that engages and empowers people and most importantly, creating opportunities for others to shine.
You see, my earlier definition of what it meant to shine was all wrong. I wanted to be seen and seen all the time. I wanted to be known for my accomplishments and I damn sure couldn’t wait for people to call me doctor. So now, at the sassy young age of 42 I don’t think about shining too much, but I think about polishing my act internally.
Shining through my spiritual growth and commitment, shining through my decision to be a life-long learner and shining through the bond and devotion of family.
Are your trying to shine for all the wrong reasons? How will you polish up your act so that you are confident in your glow even though no one can see it?
