How do we protect our sons?

I have three sons. My sons are all under the age of 17. We don't live in a gated community. There is no corner store in walking distance. I'm still scared.

While our children are being raise in a quaint suburban location (in a state that many don’t even know is the first state), and seem to be far removed from the profiling  that happens to many of today’s young black men, the rumblings from the senseless killing of Trayvon Martin have permeated conversations over the past week.  I first heard of the story on the Michael Baisden show a week before it gained national attention.  I pride myself in not always slapping the black card on the table, so my first reaction was to looked at the nature of the Neighborhood Watch patrol and the carelessness of turning a storied tradition of protection your own community into a moment of unnecessary vigilant activism.  As the story unfolded, I couldn’t help but be like much of this nation look at this as another case of senseless racial violence.

My husband and I take great pride in trying to educate and inform our children about some of the injustices and century-old disparities that may indeed impact them as they grow into adulthood, but I shudder to think that we now have to be even more transparent about the thin line between being young, black and male in today’s society.  Sure, we do things covertly, like not buy trendy hoodies, or too much clothing with brand name embellishments on them; wouldn’t you?  How often have you heard on the news Black male wearing dark jeans and a white shirt with such and such on the front or have seen the ‘alleged perpetrators’ mug shot dressed in the latest gear, etc.?  It’s sickening but true.   Unfortunately, even if your young black son doesn’t ‘look’ the part, there are still people out there that will judge them and think the worse.

Even more alarming has been the fact that law enforcement seems reluctant to enforce the law.  Didn’t George Zimmerman break the law by not following the rules as they relate to the Neighborhood Watch program which he was involved?  Are Neighborhood Watch patrols licensed to carry a weapon as a part of that volunteer role?  Not according to the National Sheriffs’ Association, which oversees nearly 20,000 Neighborhood Watch programs in the US.  I am no legal scholar, but I beg to think that nowhere in the Florida gun law does it make it possible for citizens to go beyond protecting their own private property to the point of brandishing weapons under the guise of a Neighborhood Watch program.  And what about the Stand-your-ground law?  Is Zimmerman covered by that?  Well some Florida lawmakers have already begun to question whether the Florida law is too broad, saying that future legislation should redefine the grounds under which self-defense could be claimed.

I can’t help but feel like I should be seeing footage of people banning together in communities across this country in support of this child, signing petitions, etc. and showing the world that even though they may not be there in Florida that they want and end to this and they want their voices hear. I can’t help but ask where are all the activists and celebrities that rise to the challenge of an international cause?  Where are their voices?  Don't they see something unjust and worthy of fighting for in Trayvon Martin?  As a mother, this makes me feel somewhat helpless.  From my point of view, regardless of how academically astute or financially secure our son’s futures may be because of the hard work we are putting in now, they will still face some challenges because of the color of their skin.  They will have to be conscious about what they wear, where they are, what time of day it is and who they are with.  They will have to have this psychotic sense of paranoia because no matter how high they may climb up the corporate ladder, no matter what profession they choose, whether they are in the limelight or live a quiet, suburban life there will still be those who look at them through lenses so clouded by societal stigmas.

The profiling and subjugation of any minority has to stop. It's a sad state of affairs when we have to fight this hard to get 'them' to see the wrong. It’s time for us to stand-our-ground and make sure that our children grow up in a world where their thirsts for knowledge, life and success can be quenched without the burden of their race holding them back.

I pray that I will never know what Trayvon Miller’s parents are feeling at this moment. 

A part of every black male’s soul has been wounded,

A cloud looms over the heads of young black males unborn,

Everyday a mother’s soul cries out “Lord protect my son.”

Mentoring: Pageantry Style

The Atlantic Coast Pageant's Board

Tanee saying thanks at her send-off party

For the last year, I've had the pleasure of being on the board of the Atlantic Coast Pageant's System. This system is a preliminary to the Miss Delaware’s Outstanding Teen Pageant, a part of the Miss Delaware Scholarship Organization.  The Atlantic Coast Pageant’s system has been working with our teen queen Tanee DeCosta for the last several months to prepare her for the state competition. 

Along this journey, I’ve helped Tanee to promote her platform of bullying and bullying prevention “The Hate Free Zone” and have gone on several appearance with her where she has spoken out about bullying at its impact on today’s youth.  It’s truly amazing to see how our young people’s lives are being impacted and in some cases taken away because of careless words and actions.  Because Tanee herself has such a powerful story, it makes her platform that much stronger as she continues to share it with schools and community groups.

The most exciting thing about mentoring in a pageant system is that you get to go beyond the beauty and contribute to the development and character of one tomorrow’s leaders.  While this isn’t my first experience with mentoring, this holds a special place in my heart because I’ve been able to see Tanee grow from a novice competitor to a strong pageant representative who is having a great impact on others around her.  I’ve also seen the dedication and determination that many of today’s young people lack shine through in this young woman, and know that while the hours and personal commitment has been long that it has been well worth it.

Ideally, having the opportunity and time to dedicate to young people in our families and in our communities would be a small step in creating the framework for a society in which individuals hold a sense of responsibility for themselves and others. Realistically, we may not have the time but the challenge for all of us should be to do our part to help today’s youth…no matter how small or how large.

Best of luck to Miss Atlantic Coast’s Outstanding Teen, Tanee DeCosta and may you shine like never before!

Springing Forward

As the seasons change, are you ready to change? That's one thing I often think about four times of year but in the past my energies were focused on cleaning out closets, scrubbing floor boards, rearranging, etc. However, as time has passed I have grown to understand and embrace the spiritual metaphor and scripture references that focus on the 'need' for change as the seasons come and go.

I can recall a time in my life in which dating became so emotionally draining that I was overcome with depression. In the process of trying to get refocused on life, as it were, I was told by a church friend that I needed a season...a season away from dating; a season for myself.

At another point in my life when my parents took ill, I remember being overwhelmed with caregiver responsibilities. I was angry at the fact that the burden was falling on my shoulders. I was responsible for dispensing medication, bathing, cooking and cleaning and even getting my mother to and from adult daycare. I joined a support group for caregiver and was told that it would take a season; a season to purge the anger and pain, a season to heal; a season to learn how to be a good caregiver.

Our move to Delaware was not as smooth as I wanted it to be because I had not secured a job at the time. I was still commuting back and forth to DC to work. Each week I would come home and it seemed as if I didn't have time to relax and enjoy my family or home. I was so unhappy with my 'life situation' that I began to let this affect my marriage. I went to church and talked to my pastor about my frustration and she gave me a book entitled Don’t Die in the Winter…Your season is Coming (Dr. Millicent Thompson). I read that book in a few days and it was in that moment when I truly got what it meant to take a 'season' when life seems to offer you more than you can bear. Having a clear understanding of spiritual seasons is important as we grow (and yes, no matter how old we are, there is still room to grow).  We can’t rush what God has planned for us each season (although we often try to by doing things in our way) or else we risk missing the blessing.  The reality is that sometimes, it may take more than one season for us to accomplish life’s goals but the true test is whether we are willing to hang on to those goals until we accomplish them.

As we spring forward, ask yourself what you need to do this season so that you can be renewed in mind, body and spirit. Don't just 'clean house' this spring, but commit yourself to a cleansing of the negative energy, thoughts and in some cases, the people that may be dragging you down.  Prepare your  heart and mind, because your season is coming.