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When the movie For Colored Girls came out in 2010, I remember my sister Brenda saying that one thing she got from the movie was that every day we make choices; and when we make choices that give other people in our lives power we cannot blame anyone but ourselves. For the duration of 2010 and 2011, I kept this in my left cerebrum and retrieved it often.
Not that I haven't been a serious and critical thinker all my life, but in the last few years, I have found that thoroughly thinking through my choices and how they will benefit or hinder me (and do the same for others) has enriched my life ten-fold. Probably, one of the most significant benefits of implementing a different way of thinking is the fact that my self-esteem and the value that I see in the person that I have grown to become have also been strengthened.
For many of us, we journey through life pointing the finger of blame at everyone around us because of our failures, inability to conquer obstacles and revelation that after years we have not accomplished anything on our goals or bucket list.
As women, the discourse surrounding who we are and what we should be is so deeply rooted in stereotypes that we let these things stagnate us. Instead of rising above, we tend to fall in line and march with all of the other female soldiers. For example, we go like the Energizer Bunny because we do not feel like we can retire the Superman cape. We overcompensate because we feel guilty about being working moms. We over accessorize and load up on foundation and the latest MAC cosmetics because the world says that is what makes us beautiful and sexy. We do other duties as assigned at work (while some of our male colleagues won’t) and somehow we figure out how to make it work and still be at soccer, football, basketball and piano lessons on time! Guilty as charged!
In the video that I referenced at the beginning of this blog, the author, Ariana Proehl speaks about the Death of the Single Black Woman Narrative. My charge to you, as hers was in the video, is to create a new narrative for 2012. One in which the world sees you putting yourself first. A narrative in which others see you making decisions that benefit you and that are empowering. A narrative that allows you to rip off that Superman cape and scream to the top of your lungs for help when you need it; a narrative that encourages others to look at women from an open, respectful, objective and ethical perspective; and narrative that forces people to see you as an individual. A narrative of this nature may seem selfish, but when we take care of ourselves first, then and only then can we put our best foot forward in terms of taking care of others. At the end of the day, as wives and mothers, that is the job that we have committed ourselves to, thus we must make the investment to do it well. The investment starts at home.
While what I have written screams of psychoanalytic feminist thought, I do not profess to follow any fundamental feminist theories, but as a social scientist by trade, I do embrace the idea of empowerment, respect and social change.
This year, should be one in which your life is better than before because you choose to make it that way. 2012 should be filled with moments of smelling the flowers, taking time out for YOU, laughing when you can’t do anything else, crying when you need to, and sometimes just sitting in silent thought (oops, I couldn’t escape the clichés).
It is not going to be an easy journey…if God made it so, we wouldn’t have faith, but take one day and a time and make 2012 the best year ever.
PS: Check out Ariana Proehl's Youtube Post
Thank you for being brave!
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