When Mommy Faces Financial Challenges

In the wake of what seems to be a looming double dip recession, many families will probably continue to struggle with financial issues on the home front, which means everything from back to school to Christmas shopping (may seem far off but my husband usually starts shopping right after the back to school rush, maybe you do too) will once again be threatened. 

If you’re like me, it’s hard to say ‘no’ sometimes and I can’t help but feel that I have a responsibility to do what my parents did for me - - make my children’s lives better than mine and afford them access to opportunities and things that I didn’t experience growing up.  Well to that end, my parents did a really good job, so I try to mirror much of what my childhood experience was like; traveling, theater and the arts, family nights out on the town, trying to grant every wish on a birthday or Christmas list, etc. but there is one difference.  My parents did this when there was no recession (or that I can remember).  The worse thing that I do remember was the gas crisis in the 80s but that only meant getting up early to get gas on your assigned day…not sacrificing the material things in life.

Fortunately, my husband and I have been blessed with emotionally and financially rewarding careers but the key to not having to face too many financial challenges has been my husband’s golden rule (not sure if he stole this from Suze Orman or not) “Live below you means.”  When we got engaged and my husband took the reins of the household, he readjusted my entire financial ideology.  You see, I’ve made a pretty good living all of my life and prior to marriage I was able to maintain a home; purchase cars for cash and even cared for my ailing parents, saved my then 6 months of salary (according to NBC financial analysts it’s now a cushy 8 months salary that should be saved) and still have money to spend.  My philosophy was paying your bills, tithes (and I didn’t do that on a regular basis back then) then shop or go on my weekly 5-star dining tour of the Metropolitan area.  Back then, I didn’t care about a credit rating and financial planning for a family was nowhere on my radar.

Needless to say, I didn’t want to do what my husband said to do (that living below your means thing) but hindsight is that it turned out to be a blessing.  Not once during our nation’s financial dog and pony show have we had to make drastic changes or deny our children anything for financial reasons.  We’ve managed to be diligent about living below our means and even use my adjunct money for family expenses including clothing, school needs, and vacation spending money. I also cut back a 15.00 a day Starbucks habit and now use my Keurig to make Delaware’s best iced coffees for about 15.00 a month.  I also reduced the number of spa trips.  Back in the day, I’d have car service to and from the spa so that I could have a truly relaxing day and would spend hundreds on treatments.  I was also getting my nails and hair done every week.  I still get my nails done but maybe once or twice a month and I’ve learned to care for my own short and sassy hair cut.  On the shopping front, I’m down with the new chic shoppers…and have become a Goodwill Goddess (hey…I need to trademark that!) and I’m no longer at Tiffany’s every month treating myself, but I’ve found pleasure in upscale consignment shopping and allow my coupon savvy husband, who LOVES to shop handle much of the clothes shopping for the kids and the house.  Although I fall off the financial wagon from time-to-time, finances are not our biggest worries.

So as the sun sets on the summer of 2011 and most of us prepare for school and a barrage of upcoming holidays and family events, I offer you what Suze Orman offers to her many followers: adopt a new American Dream, one that focuses on happiness and fulfillment and not things.

So what does this mean to you?  I’m not sure, but I can tell you what this means to me.  For starters I had to take baby steps.  A few years ago I cleaned up my credit (or should I say my husband did this) and got rid of all but one credit card.  I made a commitment to stop being financially dishonest with my husband by hiding purchases and vowed to openly discuss financial matters.  Lastly, before any major spending I ask myself ‘is it a want or a need’. My new American Dream is being able to indulge my children in cultural and education activities (many of which are free to the public and oftentimes, seem to be the most exciting for our family), being creative (e.g. Fast Food Fridays in which everyone helps to make the weeks most unhealthy meal of everything from homemade mozzarella sticks, to chicken fingers and potato skins and milkshakes) to Me and Micah’s night out on the lawn which usually happens after he’s done Grand Prix lawn cutting on the riding mower and amounts to nothing more than us sitting on the grass drinking a glass of wine and just hanging out with each other.  These moments are priceless or should I say low cost, and are exactly what we need in this broken economy.  Even more importantly, these are ways to carve out special time with children and spouses and create moments that are unmatched by any material possession.

I truly don’t have this financial thing figured out.  If I did, I’d be quoting myself and not Suze Orman or I might even be on the cover of my own “F” magazine like Lady O, but one thing I do know is that control of your finances can make or break you and I don’t want to be broken because I need ensure that my children grow up to be financially savvy adults and it all start with what they see in the home.

Not a day goes by where stock market or business news shows anything but a bleak prospectus for the average Jo or Joan.  The threat of this financial burden being inherited by our children is more present than ever and we need to teach them fiscal responsibility now.  Be honest with your children about financial issues (they are resilient and whether you talk to them or not, they know they are growing up in poor economic times), don’t feel pressure to keep up with the Joneses, and get your children involved in the saving process.  Most of all, find ways to cut back but creating lasting family moments that everyone can cherish.