Let me first begin by saying that we are not perfect. The last time I checked (and I don’t check
often because I spend the majority of my time trying to be a wife, mother,
educator, upstanding citizen, blah, blah, blah [you get the point]) no one in
this world is perfect. I also did a
quick scan of the Internet and while there were over 75,100,000 hits when I put
in ‘the perfect parent’ the first 10 articles that I read were titled as such
just to get the reader’s attention and moreover spoke to the fact that there is
no such thing, and that there are ways to be a good/better parent. The journey that my husband and I have taken
as spouses and parents has not been paved in gold however, the fact that we
constantly communicate, focus on improvement and truly enjoy these roles have
made it a wonderful and priceless journey thus far.
I’ve never been one to outright give parenting or marital
advice but what I have been blessed to received from true friends and family
that really care about my growth as a woman, mother and wife, is the sharing of
personal stories and testimonies that I can learn from (probably one of the
main reasons that I started blogging a few years ago). I believe that there is truly something to be
said for someone who will open their heart to you so that your life can be made
richer. The challenge that we all face
in life is to sometimes step out on faith to make decisions that will impact
the lives of others. As a parent, this
is something that we are tasked with doing every day. As our children grow older sometimes we make
the right decisions and sometimes we have to go back to the drawing board but
when it’s all said and done our initial intent is good. No, our kids aren’t going to like every rule
or family tradition, they will not take kindly to every directive and sometimes
tears will be shed, but in our humble home the focus is always on doing what is
right based a mixture of how my husband and I were raised and what works for
today’s family.
That becomes a challenge too when your parenting skills are
dissected like a 9th grade biology experiment or when society begins
to regulate (or at least tries to regulate) how you should or shouldn’t parent
your children. I believe that we take
age, gender and level of maturity into consideration when we make choices for
our children. In our household, we also
have to be mindful of the fact that we are a blended family and consideration
of that has to be factored in as well. I believe that we are effective as
parents because we make a conscious effort to develop and clarify clear
expectations for our children, work hard to stay calm in the midst of turmoil
when our kids gets upset and follow through with positive and negative
consequences. We both also realize that
being a positive role model is a big part of the foundation of good
parenting and the basis for understanding between ourselves as parents and our
children.
It is extremely hurtful when you know in your heart that you
are functioning in the best interest of your children but critics weigh in and
say otherwise. Close your eyes for a
moment and image this…how would you feel or how have you felt when you’re told
that someone has said something to tear your down behind your back? Now imaging that someone tears your down in
the presences of others? Let’s apply
that to parenting skills. It’s not a good feeling at all, especially for a
parent who spends every waking moment providing for, praying for, and caring
for their children; mentoring, nurturing and loving their children; trying hard
to be a good (not perfect) example of a parent, spouse and friend.
My life may not be filled with material possessions; it may
not be glamorous or carefree, but that’s fine.
What my life is filled with is something we call FT…that’s family time;
a time where we can share an hour or so with our kids, playing games, taking a
walk, watching a moving and yes even having a burping contest, but that’s what
makes our family whole. What my life is
filled with is Fast Food Friday’s…a time where it’s all hands on deck and we’re
in the kitchen making our favorite junk food for dinner. What my life is filled with are patient kids
who will let me take them to farms, parks and sometimes weird places to
practice my hobby of photography. What my life is filled with are those moments
no one sees when my kids make me laugh and smile and affirm the fact that that
this is the real job that I was chosen to do.
Are there times when we fight? Yep…especially when it comes to sibling
rivalry, issues of respect and reciprocity, cleaning rooms and yes…homework,
but that’s all a part of this thing we call parenting. Are there times when the growing pains of
teenage years cause us to shed tears as parents? Yes, but we have and will
continue to weather those storms too.
The financial, emotional and physical needs of our children
are our responsibility and we manage this in a healthy, holistic and positive
way. It may not be the ‘right’ way in
the eyes of some, but because we don’t have all of the answers we are willing
to tweak, learn and grow in this process just as our children are growing. I would love to live in a world where not a
negative word is spoken, but that ain’t happen’. We’re human and even I sometimes I have had a
flowery tongue that has hurt others.
Those are moments I regret, but one thing that I can say without
hesitation is that I have not criticized and parent whom I know is truly
dedicated to his or her children and does what we do…live for our
children! Although it is a blessing to
be a parent, I know how hard the task is so to criticize others would be
shameful on my part. I also believe that
because we try to surround ourselves with like-minded families there is little
room for this type of criticism. I draw the line when our intentions as parents
come into question. One thing that I’ve
learned to do is to put myself in the other person’s shoes before leaping to
judgment. That’s all we can ask of
each other. As far as this thing called
parenting is concerned; if there is a super nanny who has ‘fixed’ a family or if
anyone out there has raised a cherub with absolutely NO problems (I’m talking
everything from talking back, to peeing the bed, to tantrums, to fighting
siblings, to not eating vegetables, to not wanting to take bath, to missing
home working assignments or doing homework and not turning it in, to not putting
dirty clothes in the laundry basket and clean clothes in the drawers, to not
losing a winter coat every year, to not telling you how much cooler friend X’s
parents are, to not rolling eyes, to not mumbling under ones breath, etc.)
please, please, please in box me…you’re hired immediately.
“It is easier to build strong children than to
repair broken men.” –Frederick Douglass
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