Words from a Women with a PhD

Let me begin by saying that I didn’t seek a terminal degree (what those of us in academia call a PhD) for mercenary motives, ego gratification, or the desire to be taken more seriously by others.  Albeit for me to say that those reasons may be the driving force behind some who are in pursuit of that prestigious honor.  While the endless hours spent researching, being humbled by tenured faculty mentors and the drudgery of data analysis often felt crippling to me, my ultimate goal was the become more intellectually engaged and to be able to be more critically sophisticated in the study of communications in which I endeavored.

That brings me to my soapbox for this blog entry.  And yes, I’m calling it a soap box, because since 2007 when I graduated with my PhD from the “Mecca” (Howard University), I’ve had to defend my choice to dedicate seven years of my life to academic studies which many believed (and probably still do) to have no true payoff, other than allowing me to have my summers off as a college professor.

A few weeks ago, I watched HBO 24/7: Mayweather vs Cotto, a reality/documentary, and there were a number of comments about the fact that Cotto’s training had a doctorate.  In fact, Mayweather’s uncle said in the episode that Dr. Diaz was going to have to sew Cotto’s  a*# up after the fight.  I’d beg to say that Roger Mayweather doesn’t know what kind of ‘doctor’ Diaz is and really doesn’t care, but was clear in making the point that his type of education wasn’t going to be what allowed Cotto to win in the ring.  By now you know…Cotto didn’t win the fight, but that doesn’t make Dr. Luis Diaz’s PhD in Pedagogical Sciences any less important.  Believe me, there is great value in studying the science of learning and teaching learning from a number of perspectives.  My hope is that Cotto sticks with his professor/boxing training and allows him to better develop his own skills as a coach.  For me, there’s something about a mixed approach (scientific know-how and years of experiences) that makes us better at what we do in life. 

Fast forward this past Saturday.  While watching the NBA playoffs I sat there listening to Charles Barkley take shots at Shaquille O’Neal who was awarded his PhD in Organizational Learning and Leadership from Barry University.  Contrary to what Mr. Barkley had to say, my search of news stories revealed that Dr. O’Neal did indeed spend the last 4 ½ years working through the degree program and earned a 3.8 GPA.  While accommodations were made for him (professors would fly to him at various locations and hold one-on-one classes or video conferencing was used) the degree is valid and he is worthy of congratulatory honors for his dedication and commitment to academic excellence.  The way Dr. O’Neal got through schools is pretty much the same way I did.  The only exception was that professor’s weren’t flying around the country to meet me; I was spending long hours in their homes, writing, re-writing, being lectured to and of course being mentored.   Shaq said in a television interview that his mother always stressed the importance of education and that he knew at an early age that his education was never finished and that you’re always learning.  So while, Shaq’s peers are bestowed honorary degrees, he can hold his head proud and say that he worked hard and truly earned his position among the ranks of those assumed to have the highest intellectual capital.

So let me leave you with this.  Dr. Luis Diaz and Dr. Shaquille O’Neal are not frauds like that guy Shereé from the Housewives of Atlanta was dating.  They, like thousands of others who hold PhD’s from accredited universities, have worked long and hard to earn the right to be called doctor.  So the next time you decide to take a shot as someone with those endearing three letters behind their name or choose to question their credentials think twice!

No Critical Thinking Skills or Good Judgment

This blog entry may be long but parents, educators and mentors I believe it is worth reading.

Over the last few days, I’ve had many encounters with young people wrought with frustration (mostly because they haven’t done the things they were tasked with doing in previous weeks) but I have tolerated them as they unload their not so original excuses; everything from car trouble, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, Internet outages to conflicts between work and other schedules. I even had a student who thought by telling me that they were out of school for a week with asthma issues and pneumonia (I was out of work for three weeks with pneumonia), that I’d have more empathy for them. My response was “while I was on breathing treatments four times a day, barely able to eat and exhausted from the medications, I wasn’t on life support and I managed to keep my boss abreast of my situation, found a substitute for my face-to-face courses and still managed my two online classes.” All the student could do was to look me in the face and move on to the next excuse.

In another situation, I found it troubling that an individual could take the time to pen a page and a half email (which I’m sure took about 20 minutes) but couldn’t find the time the previous day to do an assigned task that would have taken equal or lesser time. This same individual chose to throw me under the bus per se by copying several other individuals on the email. I guess this was a way to “put me on notice”, that I was being put on notice….to that I said, let the paper trail begin, I’m an excellent record keeper and rest assured, I have all of my emails (especially the excuses) saved in my outlook in a folder with your name on it.

Another teaching moment for me was this: don’t schedule anything on April 20^th or as it’s said in youth culture “four-twenty”. For those of you who didn’t know, that is an underground holiday in which students on college campuses across this country pay homage to marijuana. I had secretly heard about this, but asked the student who scheduled and no-showed for two meetings prior to “four-twenty” if he was going to show up and the individual was adamant about making the appointment before taking part in the festivities. On four-twenty, I sat in my office for two hours. Waiting. Of course, my time was utilized wisely. I even took time out to shoot the individual a scathing email to which they responded…three days later. 

Perhaps the most jaw-dropping incident of all was this next account. This particular individual had literally been on my couch “woe is me-ing it” for an entire class period. After a brief pep talk and the tears dried up, I went out on a limb and re-purposed their awful work. (I call it re-purposing because I took what was there and made something new and acceptable out of the muck and mire). I then gave the individual clear, written instructions, a script of sorts, so that they could properly executive this production. The person called me a few days later anxious and frustrated because I apparently left an extra slide in their PowerPoint presentation. The conversation went something like this:

Student

“Dr. Edwards, you said you were going to take that slide out but it’s still in.”

Me

“Are you serious? Are you kidding me?” You sat there watching me do your work, you were texting, trying to talk to me about some damn 2 Pac Hologram and you don’t have the gumption to figure out on your own how to delete one extra PowerPoint slide then click save! You need to figure it out!”

Needless to say, by the time I had the encounter with PowerPoint Patty, I was at the end of my rope. You may have chuckled a few times reading this. You may have even recounted your own situations where SMH was the only response. But it’s much more serious. Here my scholarly breakdown of how serious it is and the dreadful repercussions that many of today’s young people may face if they don’t get some critical thinking skills or begin to exercise good judgment.

In scenario #1what, the individual fails to realize that trying to play on someone’s emotions wears thin after the second or third attempt to deploy this as a tactic. I have spent the last four years listening to excuses from this particular individual and have caught them in so many lies that I could just gouge my eyes out. What they fail to realize is that once your bluff has been called, there you stand, naked and exposed for all to see. People won’t stay it to your face, but they view you as a fraud, unworthy…they see you for who you really are. 

With regard to my email-yielding scholar, try copying your bosses boss on an email and watch what happens. You’ll be bounced out of the door on your ‘at-will’ employed behind quicker than you can hit the send button. What some young minds fail to realize is the importance of something called hierarchy and protocol. While the scalar chain of command is something reminiscent of early management theories and has been replaced by more open and lateral leadership, in some environments, following protocol and respecting the hierarchical chain of command is still an unspoken rule. In some instances, firing may not be the result, but when you try to discredit someone with more academic knowledge, credibility and life experience than you, in the end your contribute to you own demise.

The “four-twenty” situation just confirmed the fact that the millennial’s have their priorities are all wrong. Emphasis on current trends, social lives, getting weaves done and finding financial resources to get the in next ‘in’ gadget, etc. are how many of today’s twenty-something’s spend their time. In a non-scientific poll of students who came into my office over a week’s period, about 3 in 15 students had a short- and a long-term plan that included emphasis on furthering their education, career goals and life after college. While many of them knew they needed to get the gears in motion, they just didn’t know how! Surprisingly enough, most of them have access to career services, advising and mentorship, free of charge.

The last situation made me realize that even though many of today’s youth don’t come from privileged families that they somehow adopted elitist, entitled attitude. The individual references earlier in the blog showed little appreciation for the fact that an entire project was completed for them on someone else’s time, but demanded even more by requesting that I correct the error that “I” made on their project! I’m constantly being told in the academic environment in which I work that we basically work for them and although not directly stated, many of the young people I work with expect you to jump when they say jump. I’ve heard students cursing out grandparents, who are paying for college tuition on fixed incomes, I have mediated an argument between a faculty member and an irate student and I’ve overheard students threatening legal action, just because they believe they are entitled to do so. In many instances, there is no effort to look inward before making demands or pointing the finger of blame at someone else.

While much of my life is made whole because of what I do as an educator, I am extremely frustrated at the fact that somehow, somewhere, someone lost sight of what really matters in life and forgot to pass that insight down from generation to generation. A generation of unconscious, non-goal seeking, self-centered youth stand before us and we are assuming that they will be ready to take the helm and run our churches, schools, corporations and this country. Today’s youth lack common sense, critical thinking skills and definitely lack the ability to exercise good judgment.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the actions of some of today’s young adults amount to moral turpitude but I will say that it is a crime that many of them don’t care about their own intellectual short-comings and even worse don’t seem to want to do anything about it. While the tone of this blog may be sobering, I believe there is some hope. I don’t plan to give up. I’m going to stay in the trenches, give tough love and try to do my best as a mentor and educator. For those of you who are as passionate as I am about helping to groom the next generation of leaders; I urge you to continue to good fight.

A Family that Serves Together Stays Together

Today was a very special day.  My family and I got up early to spend the day raising funds for Our Daily Bread Dining Room of MOT, Inc. the new Middletown Food Kitchen.  We started the day offering a free continental breakfast and collecting donations.  Then we transitioned from breakfast and set up for a fundraiser fish fry.  Working with various members of the city council, churches and community, groups, we raised over 2,000.00 for the Middletown Food Kitchen. 

One thing that really touched my heart as I helped to serve customers was the fact that one of the volunteers shared with me that there are over 70 children in this school district that have been identified by as homeless.  Although they are not living on the streets and do have some sort of shelter, stability and getting three square meals a day is still an issue for many of them 

When we told our kids this they were totally amazed.  They didn't understand how kids could be homeless and live day-to-day not knowing if they were going to have a meal or if they were going to have a safe place to stay.  We also reiterated to our children that you can't take anything in life for granted and even the smallest things, like a hot meal are a blessing.  I think it was a great teaching moment to have our kids helping to raise funds, serve those who came for the free breakfast and to help clean up after the fundraiser.  I hope that my children will grow always having a heart for service and a spirit of giving and outreach.

Photos: 

 Madison promoting the event

Tyler, Micah and I with Mrs. Candy, one of the coordinators

Micah serving breakfast, other volunteers, Me during the morning set up

Me and council members Robin Burgess and Robert McGhee

How do we protect our sons?

I have three sons. My sons are all under the age of 17. We don't live in a gated community. There is no corner store in walking distance. I'm still scared.

While our children are being raise in a quaint suburban location (in a state that many don’t even know is the first state), and seem to be far removed from the profiling  that happens to many of today’s young black men, the rumblings from the senseless killing of Trayvon Martin have permeated conversations over the past week.  I first heard of the story on the Michael Baisden show a week before it gained national attention.  I pride myself in not always slapping the black card on the table, so my first reaction was to looked at the nature of the Neighborhood Watch patrol and the carelessness of turning a storied tradition of protection your own community into a moment of unnecessary vigilant activism.  As the story unfolded, I couldn’t help but be like much of this nation look at this as another case of senseless racial violence.

My husband and I take great pride in trying to educate and inform our children about some of the injustices and century-old disparities that may indeed impact them as they grow into adulthood, but I shudder to think that we now have to be even more transparent about the thin line between being young, black and male in today’s society.  Sure, we do things covertly, like not buy trendy hoodies, or too much clothing with brand name embellishments on them; wouldn’t you?  How often have you heard on the news Black male wearing dark jeans and a white shirt with such and such on the front or have seen the ‘alleged perpetrators’ mug shot dressed in the latest gear, etc.?  It’s sickening but true.   Unfortunately, even if your young black son doesn’t ‘look’ the part, there are still people out there that will judge them and think the worse.

Even more alarming has been the fact that law enforcement seems reluctant to enforce the law.  Didn’t George Zimmerman break the law by not following the rules as they relate to the Neighborhood Watch program which he was involved?  Are Neighborhood Watch patrols licensed to carry a weapon as a part of that volunteer role?  Not according to the National Sheriffs’ Association, which oversees nearly 20,000 Neighborhood Watch programs in the US.  I am no legal scholar, but I beg to think that nowhere in the Florida gun law does it make it possible for citizens to go beyond protecting their own private property to the point of brandishing weapons under the guise of a Neighborhood Watch program.  And what about the Stand-your-ground law?  Is Zimmerman covered by that?  Well some Florida lawmakers have already begun to question whether the Florida law is too broad, saying that future legislation should redefine the grounds under which self-defense could be claimed.

I can’t help but feel like I should be seeing footage of people banning together in communities across this country in support of this child, signing petitions, etc. and showing the world that even though they may not be there in Florida that they want and end to this and they want their voices hear. I can’t help but ask where are all the activists and celebrities that rise to the challenge of an international cause?  Where are their voices?  Don't they see something unjust and worthy of fighting for in Trayvon Martin?  As a mother, this makes me feel somewhat helpless.  From my point of view, regardless of how academically astute or financially secure our son’s futures may be because of the hard work we are putting in now, they will still face some challenges because of the color of their skin.  They will have to be conscious about what they wear, where they are, what time of day it is and who they are with.  They will have to have this psychotic sense of paranoia because no matter how high they may climb up the corporate ladder, no matter what profession they choose, whether they are in the limelight or live a quiet, suburban life there will still be those who look at them through lenses so clouded by societal stigmas.

The profiling and subjugation of any minority has to stop. It's a sad state of affairs when we have to fight this hard to get 'them' to see the wrong. It’s time for us to stand-our-ground and make sure that our children grow up in a world where their thirsts for knowledge, life and success can be quenched without the burden of their race holding them back.

I pray that I will never know what Trayvon Miller’s parents are feeling at this moment. 

A part of every black male’s soul has been wounded,

A cloud looms over the heads of young black males unborn,

Everyday a mother’s soul cries out “Lord protect my son.”

Mentoring: Pageantry Style

The Atlantic Coast Pageant's Board

Tanee saying thanks at her send-off party

For the last year, I've had the pleasure of being on the board of the Atlantic Coast Pageant's System. This system is a preliminary to the Miss Delaware’s Outstanding Teen Pageant, a part of the Miss Delaware Scholarship Organization.  The Atlantic Coast Pageant’s system has been working with our teen queen Tanee DeCosta for the last several months to prepare her for the state competition. 

Along this journey, I’ve helped Tanee to promote her platform of bullying and bullying prevention “The Hate Free Zone” and have gone on several appearance with her where she has spoken out about bullying at its impact on today’s youth.  It’s truly amazing to see how our young people’s lives are being impacted and in some cases taken away because of careless words and actions.  Because Tanee herself has such a powerful story, it makes her platform that much stronger as she continues to share it with schools and community groups.

The most exciting thing about mentoring in a pageant system is that you get to go beyond the beauty and contribute to the development and character of one tomorrow’s leaders.  While this isn’t my first experience with mentoring, this holds a special place in my heart because I’ve been able to see Tanee grow from a novice competitor to a strong pageant representative who is having a great impact on others around her.  I’ve also seen the dedication and determination that many of today’s young people lack shine through in this young woman, and know that while the hours and personal commitment has been long that it has been well worth it.

Ideally, having the opportunity and time to dedicate to young people in our families and in our communities would be a small step in creating the framework for a society in which individuals hold a sense of responsibility for themselves and others. Realistically, we may not have the time but the challenge for all of us should be to do our part to help today’s youth…no matter how small or how large.

Best of luck to Miss Atlantic Coast’s Outstanding Teen, Tanee DeCosta and may you shine like never before!

Springing Forward

As the seasons change, are you ready to change? That's one thing I often think about four times of year but in the past my energies were focused on cleaning out closets, scrubbing floor boards, rearranging, etc. However, as time has passed I have grown to understand and embrace the spiritual metaphor and scripture references that focus on the 'need' for change as the seasons come and go.

I can recall a time in my life in which dating became so emotionally draining that I was overcome with depression. In the process of trying to get refocused on life, as it were, I was told by a church friend that I needed a season...a season away from dating; a season for myself.

At another point in my life when my parents took ill, I remember being overwhelmed with caregiver responsibilities. I was angry at the fact that the burden was falling on my shoulders. I was responsible for dispensing medication, bathing, cooking and cleaning and even getting my mother to and from adult daycare. I joined a support group for caregiver and was told that it would take a season; a season to purge the anger and pain, a season to heal; a season to learn how to be a good caregiver.

Our move to Delaware was not as smooth as I wanted it to be because I had not secured a job at the time. I was still commuting back and forth to DC to work. Each week I would come home and it seemed as if I didn't have time to relax and enjoy my family or home. I was so unhappy with my 'life situation' that I began to let this affect my marriage. I went to church and talked to my pastor about my frustration and she gave me a book entitled Don’t Die in the Winter…Your season is Coming (Dr. Millicent Thompson). I read that book in a few days and it was in that moment when I truly got what it meant to take a 'season' when life seems to offer you more than you can bear. Having a clear understanding of spiritual seasons is important as we grow (and yes, no matter how old we are, there is still room to grow).  We can’t rush what God has planned for us each season (although we often try to by doing things in our way) or else we risk missing the blessing.  The reality is that sometimes, it may take more than one season for us to accomplish life’s goals but the true test is whether we are willing to hang on to those goals until we accomplish them.

As we spring forward, ask yourself what you need to do this season so that you can be renewed in mind, body and spirit. Don't just 'clean house' this spring, but commit yourself to a cleansing of the negative energy, thoughts and in some cases, the people that may be dragging you down.  Prepare your  heart and mind, because your season is coming.

If I had to do it all over again…

The other day I was in Wal-Mart, shopping for snacks when I happened upon a conversation between two mothers. I came in on the beginning of the conversation and managed to loiter in the snack isle until they were finished.

Here’s a bit of their conversation (paraphrased of course…)

MOM #1: “If I had to do it all over again, I would go to college; I wouldn’t have kids so young…”

MOM #2: “Me too.  Look at [reference to a friend], she went to college and got out of Delaware. And look at their kids. I hear her daughter is doing well in Florida too.”

MOM #1:  “I don’t know what to do with my kids.  Everyday it’s something.  I don’t even want to think about college.”

MOM #2:  “Yeah, we don’t have the money.”

Needless to say the conversation continued. At moments, I wanted to interject but I didn’t want to come off as some eaves dropping lunatic or some overzealous woman in Wal-Mart dying to add my two cents to their conversation, but had I mustered up the courage to speak, I would have said this:

There are all moments in our lives that we wish we could recant.  Even in instances when there are legal ramifications, we get second chances.  Life offers us a series of opportunities to make right the things we can’t seem to live with. It’s never too late to tackle a challenge that may have been mastered with ease in your youth.  Getting a college education regardless of age is a 21^st century requirement.  It is nearly impossible to achieve success without a degree [or two].  For the past several years, I have the pleasure of teaching non-traditional students who proudly graduate with their children and relish in the fact that when ‘life’ happened they rolled with the punches and stayed focused on educational attainment…regardless of whether it took a decade or two (and yes I’ve had students who labored for decades to complete an undergraduate degree).

As far as looking at others and standing in envy of their accomplishments; DON’T.  Your life is what is important.  Setting goals based on what other’s are doing is a surefire way to end up facing failure and darkening your spirit as you try to accomplish feats that are not heartfelt. 

There are a lot of things that I’d like to do over if I had the chance again.  (I'd list them but some are way too embarassing and I still feel a sense of shame just thinking about dumb mistakes or careless actions of the past).  But when you get a moment, think about the thing(s) that most impacted your life in the past and how much ‘a do over’ would enhance your life in the here and now.  You may have the resources (time, money, energy) to do that thing over but if you don’t, how do you move forward?  You start be reflecting on and treasuring the experiences of the past; regardless of the positive or negative impact of those experiences.  Second, set realistic goals that you can accomplish on your own terms and third, have faith and patience through the process.  This is not the only recipe for success, but if you don’t try something you’ll never get beyond wishing for a chance to do it over again.