Giving my Husband a Break

For the last two years or so, Micah has been more than a bread-winner and head of household; he's assumed the role of a stay-at-home dad. As a result of a work injury during the blizzard of January 2009 which unfortunately lead to his early retirement as a firefighter/EMT, Micah found himself at home doing both mommy and daddy duty as I navigated semester teaching overloads, my quest for tenure and other work obligations.

Oddly enough, the injury came at the perfect time, if that can be said, because shortly after that, he gained full custody of #2 (affectionately called that because of birth order) and it would have been almost impossible for me to manage the entire household, work and school schedules while he was on his shifts at the fire department two states away.

So today, like many moms, Micah had a moment! However, I realized that he handled it differently than most mothers would have. Instead of Micah strapping that superman cape on tighter, hoisting the screaming toddler up on his hip and using the free hand and feet to continue unloading the car, cleaning and trying to watch the other children as they played in the cul-de-sac; he asked for help! He said and I quote "When are you going to be finished what you're doing?! I've been with the kids, it seems 24/7 and I need a break right now."

At that moment, I stopped what I was doing and took over. In all honesty, Micah was right. Now that the roles have reversed, he is home with the children more and he does a wonderful job at wearing my hat and his as a father, but I have to admit that I've taken it for granted. Coming home from work with children fed and bathed, homework done and laundry folded and put away has been a blessing. I even find myself going right to the office to pick up where left off on campus because everything that needs to be done in the home is complete.

Fortunately, our role reversal is not a direct result of economic hardships that many families are facing but it goes without saying that dads are taking over at home and it's a good thing, especially as far as our children are concerned. I know for a fact that our own children are reaping the benefits of having their dad at home more. There is strength in their relationships that I know I didn't have as a kid growing up because my father worked so much. There is a level of respect that Micah has because our children actually see him at work every day in our home and because he runs such a tight ship, there are very few disciplinary issues to contend with.

Micah does work in the school system as a special education substitute and has been strongly considering returning to school to earn his PhD. Micah has been amazing through this transition. Definitely not perfect, but he has brought so much balance, security and peace to our home by graciously accepting the situation and making the most of it for all of us. I think that he has proven that the sky is the limit regardless of what your situation may be.

So tonight Micah, (even though you don't read my blog...shame on you) I send much love your way and want you to know that I am so thankful for all that you do and will continue to do for our family.

For my readers, I leave you with this. Whether you're a SAHM or a working mom, when you need help...follow Micah's lead and ask for help. Don't beat around the bush either. Be direct and let your husband or partner know that it's time for you to tap out so that when you tap back in you can give it your all.

Until next time.

After writing this entry, I checked my email and this popped up on AOL!  Hmmmm...

"Are Dads the New Moms?"  Interesting read.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304451104577392261536405038.html

Words from a Women with a PhD

Let me begin by saying that I didn’t seek a terminal degree (what those of us in academia call a PhD) for mercenary motives, ego gratification, or the desire to be taken more seriously by others.  Albeit for me to say that those reasons may be the driving force behind some who are in pursuit of that prestigious honor.  While the endless hours spent researching, being humbled by tenured faculty mentors and the drudgery of data analysis often felt crippling to me, my ultimate goal was the become more intellectually engaged and to be able to be more critically sophisticated in the study of communications in which I endeavored.

That brings me to my soapbox for this blog entry.  And yes, I’m calling it a soap box, because since 2007 when I graduated with my PhD from the “Mecca” (Howard University), I’ve had to defend my choice to dedicate seven years of my life to academic studies which many believed (and probably still do) to have no true payoff, other than allowing me to have my summers off as a college professor.

A few weeks ago, I watched HBO 24/7: Mayweather vs Cotto, a reality/documentary, and there were a number of comments about the fact that Cotto’s training had a doctorate.  In fact, Mayweather’s uncle said in the episode that Dr. Diaz was going to have to sew Cotto’s  a*# up after the fight.  I’d beg to say that Roger Mayweather doesn’t know what kind of ‘doctor’ Diaz is and really doesn’t care, but was clear in making the point that his type of education wasn’t going to be what allowed Cotto to win in the ring.  By now you know…Cotto didn’t win the fight, but that doesn’t make Dr. Luis Diaz’s PhD in Pedagogical Sciences any less important.  Believe me, there is great value in studying the science of learning and teaching learning from a number of perspectives.  My hope is that Cotto sticks with his professor/boxing training and allows him to better develop his own skills as a coach.  For me, there’s something about a mixed approach (scientific know-how and years of experiences) that makes us better at what we do in life. 

Fast forward this past Saturday.  While watching the NBA playoffs I sat there listening to Charles Barkley take shots at Shaquille O’Neal who was awarded his PhD in Organizational Learning and Leadership from Barry University.  Contrary to what Mr. Barkley had to say, my search of news stories revealed that Dr. O’Neal did indeed spend the last 4 ½ years working through the degree program and earned a 3.8 GPA.  While accommodations were made for him (professors would fly to him at various locations and hold one-on-one classes or video conferencing was used) the degree is valid and he is worthy of congratulatory honors for his dedication and commitment to academic excellence.  The way Dr. O’Neal got through schools is pretty much the same way I did.  The only exception was that professor’s weren’t flying around the country to meet me; I was spending long hours in their homes, writing, re-writing, being lectured to and of course being mentored.   Shaq said in a television interview that his mother always stressed the importance of education and that he knew at an early age that his education was never finished and that you’re always learning.  So while, Shaq’s peers are bestowed honorary degrees, he can hold his head proud and say that he worked hard and truly earned his position among the ranks of those assumed to have the highest intellectual capital.

So let me leave you with this.  Dr. Luis Diaz and Dr. Shaquille O’Neal are not frauds like that guy Shereé from the Housewives of Atlanta was dating.  They, like thousands of others who hold PhD’s from accredited universities, have worked long and hard to earn the right to be called doctor.  So the next time you decide to take a shot as someone with those endearing three letters behind their name or choose to question their credentials think twice!